Mom’s Christmas List

Each year the hectic pace of the season, the barrage of holiday advertisements and the flurry of holiday related activities, can cause us to loose our enthusiasm for the season. As Mom’s often feel it is our reasonability to ensure that everyone has the best Holiday ever. However often we do this at the sacrifice of our own joy of the season.

We are always so concerned with making sure we get everyone the perfect, meaningful gift that expresses our love for them. We struggle to make everyone’s Christmas as special and memorable as it can be. Mom’s help with the PTA Christmas parties, plan the office festivities and the charitable donations to help someone in need.

Mom is the person who plans out, shops for, and slaves away in the kitchen making the perfect Christmas dinner, while everyone else plays, or sits on the couch. Mom is also the one who creates the Christmas memories each and every year. She bakes the cookie, initiates the decorating, and mails out all the Christmas cards.

All of this she does at a break neck pace. Mom handles weekends filled with frantic shopping, party attending and gift wrapping. By the end of it all us mom’s are exhausted and lets face it, the joy of the season has been sucked right out of us.

It is tough to have joy when you know the day after Christmas you must return to work, a mountain full of Christmas dinner dishes and a depleted savings since you spent your Christmas bonus. It becomes easy to start to dread the season when it seems we are the only ones giving.

And as much as we love our handmade ornaments, and waffle irons. Sometimes we just wish someone would acknowledge all that we do. Sometimes we wish we could celebrate without all of the work, hassle and fun-sucking holiday reasonability. Like most times of the year, mom’s we have brought this on ourselves. Have we ever told our significant others to take on some of the holiday tasks for us? Did we ever let go of the never ending list of Christmas responsibilities we thrust upon ourselves? Have we ever really asked for what we want for Christmas?

Well, mom’s this year (and hopefully for years to come,) we can take back our Christmas and celebrate instead of slaving away. Here is at least the start of a list of Christmas wishes a mom should ask for. Adjust it for your situation and family. What is more important is to put things on this list that make YOU happy, content and bring YOUR joy back to the holidays.

A Mom’s Christmas List

1. To not having to shop for everyone by ourself

   Please Dad’s it would be a great to have a little help here. Plus, seeing as in most case mom is the one with the kids, this responsibility robs us of any “me” time we might have (or desperately need) during the season.

2. To have a maid during the holiday’s

   It is near impossible to get all of the Christmas shopping, baking and decorating done while family members leave constant messes in their wake for mom to clean.

3. To have someone else do the laundry during the holiday’s

   With the constant events, activities and parties the amount of laundry seems to have doubled. With less time to get it all done it sits in a wrinkled pile on the laundry room floor. This is the newest in holiday décor.

4. To not put on 10 lbs by the end of Christmas

   Yes, I know this comes in the form of will power. It is not really a gift anyone else can give us, but is something we need to give ourselves. By taking some of the holiday pressures off we would be less likely to stress eat and over indulge. Eat some of the things you enjoy that are special but doesn’t loose all care about yourself and your health this holiday. Gift yourself good health.

5. To have dinner made for YOU

   Boy, wouldn’t it be nice to come home from a long day during the holiday’s to find a dinner cooked for you? Instead you are greeted with  “Mom’s, what’s for dinner?” At which you look in the pantry and realize you have to work some Christmas magic on a can of corn, a bag of fish sticks and a jar of tomato sauce since you never got to the grocery store.

6. For someone to get you the Christmas gift YOU have always wanted

   And no this is not some home appliance or gadget. It would be something like… oh I don’t know… a day of pampering, a day long shopping spree or really just a day of to do nothing.

7. To have some help in the kitchen

   I am not sure why the responsibility to create all of the baked goods for Christmas always falls on mom. I mean Dad’s can cook to right? Plus, this could really create a happy holiday scene of time shared in the kitchen. Instead of the holiday horror film of a mom covered in flour, baking like a maniac and screaming at everyone to let here get this done. No, when mom is in this state do not ask if she can get you some juice or if she knows where you cell phone charger is. If you are not offering her help, then leave her alone.

8.  A really comfy pair of PJ’s and a chance to stay in them all day

   No explanations needed

9. To not have to try and see both sides of the family on Christmas Day

   The effort it takes to try and please everyone not only leaves you exhausted and annoyed but never really pleases anyone. The kids can’t get time to play with their new toys so they are unhappy. Plus, each side of the family feels like you showed up too late or left too early. In most cases they feel slighted no matter how much you rush.

10. To remember this is about giving not getting

    That mean you mom. It is ok to give to yourself. You deserve to create for yourself a memorable special holiday filled with love for family and love for the many gifts god has given you this year. Take some time for quiet reflection, go to church, go for a walk but give yourself a break from the hectic pace of the holiday’s to get in touch with what brings you joy.

 

It is a dog, not a baby

Let me tell you a little story.

There I was sitting at a local restaurant waiting for burgers and fries with my children. When I looked to the side and noticed in the booth next to me sat a blonde haired women. At first I thought she sat alone in the booth however, upon further inspection she was not alone but sitting on her lap was her four legged companion.

Yes, her and her dog were in an enclosed restaurant seated next to me and my children. I would love to say this is the first time this has happened but it is not. Sometimes the dogs are in a carrier, sometimes they are in a stroller. One actually chased my daughter, barking at her though Macy’s until I found the owner.

This is not what was meant by doggy bag.

People are going to disagree with me on this but a dog doesn’t need to go everywhere with its owner. I don’t mean place like the park or strolling down the street. I mean they are being brought everywhere. There is a disturbing trend in the area I live. It is showing up in shopping malls, in hair salons, and government buildings. Now it has infiltrated supermarkets, restaurants and other food establishments. It is the trend of bringing non-service dogs into stores and restaurants.

Not only is this unsanitary, it is inconsiderate to those with allergies. I am an owner of two dogs myself and the thought would never have crossed my mind to shove my dog into a stroller and bring them into the supermarket with me. This has been happening so often that it has become a literal “pet” peeve of mine.

For whatever reasons people (mostly women) are treating their dogs as if they are babies, dressing them, putting them in strollers and even swaddling them. There is now a whole industry created to forcing you dog into the role of baby. Let’s get something straight.

Your dog is not a baby.

When you are treating your dog like a baby, it is not only inconsiderate to those around you who might have pet allergies, or who find it just disgusting to take a pet into a store that sells food. It also is in defiance of the dog’s natural state. That of a domesticated animal.

You can say you are a mom of a four-legged fur baby but unless you have fur yourself, you are not, in fact, your dogs mom. What you are part of its pack, a caregiver, a companion, but not the dogs mother. It doesn’t mean there is not a special relationship between you and your dog. But it is of that of dog and owner, not of mother and son.

Let your dog be a dog

Each breed of dogs has been created with many valuable and heightened skills humans don’t possess such as keen hearing, domestic herding, family protector and the like. When you attempt to give your dog the human attributes of a child, you negate the strengths and ignore these natural abilities.

A boy and his dog

I have been witness to the amazing nurturing and watchfulness of a herd dog with my family. Also I have seen my dog’s fierce protectiveness of the pack (my children.) There is no denying the keen emotional connection dogs have to their human families when they are allowed to be what they are. Dogs are not meant to be treated as infants. Let’ be honest here this role playing is not done for the dogs benefit but for the benefit of its human companion.

Dogs are meant to run, play, herd, protect, work, and hunt. They are meant to be part of a pack, having a role and a duty to the pack hierarchy. It gives them purpose and is part of what is natural for them. They are incredible companions, protectors and care-givers. So let a dog be what they are naturally born to be…a dog, not a baby.

 

Mama’s, You are not

Dear Beautiful Mama

I was inspired to write this after reading a similar list from the blog Cresting the Hill. There I encountered a post titled “You are not.” It was a list of all the negative things women in their 50’s might say about themselves. Her words really hit home to me. I recognized that all us women’s do this. For us mama’s we pine for the person (and body) we had before kids, focus on flaws instead of seeing the beauty of motherhood and fixate on perfection instead of being in the moment.  More recently, I have come to appreciate the idea of changing our negative self-talk so I created a version for Mom’s.

Mama’s You are not…                                             

Your  extra pounds of baby weight

Your messy house

Your overflowing laundry

Your dirty diapers

You are not…

Your sleep deprivation

Your inability to stick to a diet

Your lack of time to get things done

Your yoga pants and stained shirts

No…You are more

You are a caregiver and friend

You are a wiper of tears and kisser of boo-boo’s

You are a teacher

You are a creator of home

You are nourishment and home cooking

You are the comforting arms

You are the immovable force protecting your children

You are what it mean to be a family

You are love

 

 

 

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Rantings of an Overwhelmed Mom

Sometimes (ok pretty often) being a working mom can be overwhelming. We get to the point where we feel so full up with responsibilities and stuff to do that it feels like we are in a constant start of overflow. Always trying to catch-up… catch-up on housework, catch-up on “Work” work. Trying to be a god mom, be a good parent. We wear so many hats that our head hurts from switching among them so often.

Mom, mom, mom, mom

Me and my other friends who are working mothers have talked at great length about how tired we feel. I think this has generated from our biological wiring. Once our children are born our body changes and our brain becomes wired to detect the slightest sound of a baby in distress. This also comes along with and intense anxiety that begins in the battle to get enough sleep. Will I sleep enough to make it through the work day? Will I get enough sleep to care for my kids? If I fall asleep now I will only get 4 or 5 or 3 hours of sleep. Should I just try sleeping in my car on my lunch break?

I just want to go to sleep

As our children grow our new bat like ears pick up very sound inside our house. Pets walking across the floor, our spouse opening the fridge, a car driving loudly down the road. Every sound seems to steal restful sleep from us.

Being a working mother is almost like being between worlds. Mom’s have a desire, a want and even a need to be a homemaker and to create a loving, peaceful nurturing home for our family. ATo be home with our children, feeding them all the right nutritious foods (instead of mountains of Goldfish). We want to be the envy of our neighbors, with a well maintained home and tasteful furnishings (instead of a stained couch and messy floor.)

We want to still look like a 20-year old fashion model (in our mind) and have our kids properly (and cutely) dressed, (instead of wrinkled uniforms since you have no time to iron or put away the stuff in the dryer.) All too often life is too hectic and busy to present the home we envision in our brain. (Or get out of our sweat pants and mom jeans.)

We compare what we have to what others put forth but what we see is not always what is real. I know to make my house presentable for company me and my husband have to do a 6-hour marathon cleaning which is destroyed in less than an hour.

Yes, my house is a wreak most of the time. More often than not I feel overwhelmed. Like I am dropping the ball in so many places in my life. Then I think back to holding my baby in my arms and all the dirty laundry and work drama melts away. I savor the joy in sitting and reading with my son and none of the other stuff seems to matter. Being silly and laughing with my kids, capturing those small moments where I see them find joy in something.

Those times when they give me an impromptu hug. When they say, “mommy, I love you” and my heart melts along with all the stresses of the day. This is what makes it all worth it. Being a working mother is hard. It is really hard. Some days I feel like I’m completely failing. But there are these moments, so golden, pure and natural that I feel like being a mom was what I was always missing and in this messy house with these wonderful little beings is exactly where I am meant to be.

 

A New Perspective For Moms from Elevation Church on Vimeo.

*Inbetweenmoderation is not affiliated with the church in this video. I just really liked the video)

Finding My Calling in a Sink Full of Dishes

The picture above epitomized why the tone of this blog is going to shift a bit. This sink full of dishes is what I came home to yesterday. The sink full of dishes is the reality of a working mom. A mom that has no time. A mom that never gets to sit and have dinner or breakfast. A mom that has to handle all the pressures and stresses and bad bosses and back stabbing coworkers, then come home to a sink full of dishes.

Sometimes the scenery might change, the ages of the kids might vary but the plight of the working mom is very real. This is our life…this sink full of dishes. This is our story. We are depended upon; things are expected of us. Things that, if we thought about, we would never in a million years expect someone else to accomplish in the amount of time and pace we expect from ourselves.  Somewhere along the way the role of the mom become all encompassing. We lost the stay at home, Jello mold, dress wearing mom of the 1950’s and replaced her with the hurried, haggard, working mom of the 2000’s.

 It has reached a new level of craziness in that this is what we have done to ourselves. We have guilted ourselves into believing that all we do, in an insane amount of time, all these varied tasks are our responsibility and ours alone. And we are expected to carry them out with near perfection! What have we done to ourselves. No wonder we feel out of balance all the time. No wonder we are overwhelmed.

I came home to a sink full of dishes, a dinner to cook, a house that looks like a disaster, a mountain of laundry, children’s homework to do and a cake business to run! Most of this I created. I brought on myself. We are mothers yes, but where in the handbook did it say we are slaves? Where in the rules did we lose our freedom to have a loving home where we are appreciated and at peace?

I want to state for the record that as of today I want to reshape the idea of the working mom. I want to make it into something that is actually real. Someone that exists. Not this sink of dirty dishes, false expectations and insurmountable pressure. I want to get back to what I loved about being a mom. What it felt like to come home from work and not want to run screaming from responsibility.

 I want to discover new and better ways of doing things that don’t take such a toll on the “momness” inside me. Over the coming months, this blog will change and I will embark on this new journey of remaking the idea of the working mom. I will still focus on our key areas like food, as the nutritional gatekeeper of the household and family health practitioner. I will also continue to address household finance, since in most cases this is also the duty that falls to mom. Family and feelings, these two areas will take center stage. Balance and moderation are still going to play key roles but they will be weaved into the strategies of a working mom.

My aim is to help you and myself not feel overwhelmed, angry or sad about coming home to a sink full of dishes. I want us to be free from the “mommy guilt” and the feelings we create in our “momhood.” I want us to transform into the happy, healthy, balanced mom’s we should be! Come join me on this new journey.

10 Things Parents Do To Have “ME” Time

My son’s bear feet. Just thought it was a funny picture

Sometimes mom’s and dad’s just need sometime for themselves but with the demands of family, work and young kids we might carve out these moments in interesting, sometimes pitifly sad ways. I am guilty of doing these things on more then one occasion. Can you identify yourself on this list.? If so don’t feel bad, we have all done it.

1. Spending extra long in the shower so the spouse has to deal with the constant calls of “Mom.”
2. Spending extra long in the bathroom with the door locked. Sometimes we all just need a time out.
3. Sneaking a bit of the kids Halloween candy or their school lunch snacks.
4. When we get caught eating said snack we tell them can’t share because there is nothing left. Then continue to eat the rest when they leave the room. (Shameful I know)
5. Make breakfast for dinner because you are too tired to make dinner. This could be a fun thing every once in a while but my kids think pancakes for dinner is a normal entrée
6. Take your kids for ice cream because your are craving ice cream. (Come on we have all done this!)
7. Give the kids character building chores like cleaning the baseboards because you really hate doing them.
8. Pretend you are asleep so your spose will have to feed the baby
9. Tell our spouse we are doing bills so they have to make lunch when we have just spend an hour on Pinterest
10. Have a sudden needs for (insert item) and we have to go get it now. Leaving the kids with the spouse or grandparents and take an extra long car ride to the store listening to something other than “Frozen,” or just enjoying the quiet.