A Morning in Mommyhood

I stand in the shower. To be honest I’m hiding in there, letting the hot water run over my face as I stare at the wall.  If I look down I will see the empty shampoo and body wash bottles that have collected in the corner. My eyes will drift over the bottom of the shower door, full of filmy soap scum and in need of a good cleaning. Knowing I don’t have the time to clean it or even stand in here any longer, I have I hurry to wash my hair. 

It is time to get out but I am reluctant to start the day, to leave the warm, comforting water and small space that is my own right now. When I open the door I will see the collection of messes that have accumulated through my bedroom, then through the house. Knowing full well I am all that stands in the way of the messes and complete chaos.

Get some pant on

As I open the top dresser drawer I say a silent pray of hoping there will be a pair of clean underwear left since I only got to the kid’s laundry this week. Yes, thankfully it is shoved at the bottom between bras that no longer fit. Ok, maybe I can manage to get through today. Hey I have underwear so it might not be so bad. There is a knock at my bedroom door. Well, not really a polite non-intrusive knock more like a door swinging open and hitting the wall as my kids and the dogs barrel into the room.

 No… this is supposed to be my sanctuary. Well at least where I can get dressed right? As I stand in a towel, my wet hair dripping dry into all sort of Medusa like snakes. I hope I can at least get a brush through it before I must be pulled away to find this or locate that. But first back to the underpants, as I gather them together I retreat (because really that is what it is I lost this battle) into the bathroom in the hopes of getting some clothing on before I am forced to locate any more items.

image found on Pinterest.com

As I get my undergarments on I realize the toilet paper roll is empty, there is dust on the bathroom shelves and we won’t even get into the look of the toilet. More on my list of stuff to do. Feeling my anxiety rising, I hope I am left alone to get the rest of my clothing together. Then hopefully  flee from all the mess and some of the responsibility I don’t have the time to address right now.

I have nothing to wear

Opening the door, I see for now I am alone. Ceasing the opportunity I move stealthily to the closet and look through my clothes…depression sets in as I realize I have nothing new, nice or well-fitting to wear. What did I expect when I buy all my clothes over the internet. Guessing on what might fit is not the same as what fits. I look longingly to my comfortable yoga pants. The only garment that seems to not judge me. How much I weight. How things in my body have shifted with age and children.

But I don’t get to linger on this long because I realize my hair is almost dry and it is a total mess. Dressing in whatever matching items I can stand to put on my body. Some feeling to lose, others to tight.  Do I have time to run an iron over this? Emerging from the closet (yes where I was hiding again.) I search desperately for one of the 7 brushes somewhere in our home. We have 7 brushes because of the reason you can never find one when you need it. They are never in a logical place where they should be. They are in plastic bags, left in cars, brought to school…etc.. So, we continue to buy them only for them to grow legs and wader off. Like right now…I am left with only a promotional comb from a hair salon missing teeth.

It’s ok I’m the mom. I will make due. Don’t we always? Realizing it is to late to salvage a good hair day, I search for a clip. This  as my children and husband begin Round 2 of the “where is my… have you seen my…?” Q and A. To find the clip I must rummage into the deep dark corners of the vanity and shift out of the way  weeks of accumulated toiletry items, deodorants, colognes, and toothpaste tubes . Realizing this is yet another area I alone will be cleaning I feel more anxiety.

Going to be late for work

Mistakenly glancing at the clock to see I have 4 minutes left before I must be on the road or I will be late for work. Both my children are half clothed. The dog is crying to go out for the third time and I have not packed my lunch or had any breakfast. Oh, and shoes??? What about shoes? Since those are much more difficult to estimate sized of the internet I am down to the few pairs I have scavenged and procured in rushed side trips to the supermarket. They are old and ratty and well… embarrassing but right now they will have to do. The nice ones are from a different era in my life where beauty overruled comfort and practicality. Now I cannot imagine making it through a day at work, then the drive home, then baseball and bed in shoes that hurt.

I slide into my old reliable’s and glance at myself in the mirror. Feeling disgusted and disheveled I vow (again) I will tackle my ailing wardrobe situation, my abominably messy house and my unpolished toenails. (Side note: my husband asked why I never paint my toes anymore…Is he serious? I could totally if you would do one load of laundry ..maybe I could carve out five minutes to paint my nails dear??? -insert imagine of me fluttering my eyes at him.)

Am I a good mom… a good wife?

Realizing this is it. This is all I can reasonably do in the time I have I forgo breakfast, (and pretty much lunch.. Figure I will put some make-up on at stop lights on the way into work. Kissing my kids on the forehead I feel the gut wrenching feeling that I am not a good mom. I should be leaving notes in their lunch boxes telling them how much I love them, should have given them something better than just plain PB & J. Maybe I should have cut it into shapes or something like the “good” mommies do? I don’t have the time and must go to work. My heart hurts knowing I can’t be the mom I want to be or should be. Instead they are stuck with the impatient, always rushing, non-star shaped melon making, frequently yelling, mess that is their mom.

Giving my husband a quick peck on the cheek as I leave I feel the loss of meaningful conversation we rarely get to have without some interruption.  I wonder as he eats his cold cereal, wishing I could make his something better, if I am the wife he through he would have? The way I look now, the person I am. No, I’m not the 20-year-old he fell in love with. In the back of my mind I fear he will get sick of waiting for that 20-year-old to come back from whatever beach vacation she has been on. He will decide to seek out a shiny new model to replace his old yoga pants wearing clunker.

But I’m the Mom

As I glance around my home, the home of two adults, two children and two dogs, I know I should see all of the life that lives here, the love and care. Lately, I only feel anxiety and inadequacies. Today I only see mess to come home too. The one’s that will still be there tomorrow as I lack the time to get to them. My anxiety grows as I recognize here is where I should be. Here is where I am needed. I sigh sadly and recognize there is no way I can do this all. There is no way that I can get these things done. Maid, cook, employee, desirable 20 something, Pinterest mommy, I can’t be all these people.  Somehow, I know I will try to because I love my family and that is what Mom’s do.

 

Kid, I’m Not Suppose To Be Your Friend

Video

Saw this video the other day I thought I just had to share it on the blog.

It is sassy, funny and so on point. Just when I feel I am messing up my kids something like this comes along to let me know I am doing the right thing.

We can not always be our child’s friend. If we want to mold them into productive members of society and help then ultimately live a happy life,  we need to know sometimes they are going to say “Mom, I hate you.”

It hurts to think of this, but it is our job to guide them. Even when they are hating you for some imagined slight or removal of a privilege. Know in your heart that you are doing the right thing. You are protecting them, guiding them, parenting them. If they don’t like you, it’s ok because in the end you are loving them the way they need you to.

How do you feel about this video? What do you think about her points? Have you ever mixed ice cream and wine? Would love to know your thoughts on this topic. Share them in the comments below.

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3 Things Working Mom’s Need to Stop Doing

It usually starts with a bit of sniffles we promptly ignore. Then a scratchy throat. “Oh, it’s allergies,” we say. Then the cough comes on. “It’s ok, I will drink some tea with honey.” But then the fever and chills hit, we try our best to muscle through. Our family needs us after all. But are we really caring for our family when we don’t care for ourselves?

This question came to light for me this week as I sit here typing this with a heating pad and a pillow at my back. Last week the busyness of life walloped me hard. I never made time for my usual workout, didn’t even stretch. Just kept putting it off and putting it off while making excuses and telling myself I was too tired and too busy.

The truth is I did not make my own self care a priority and it has had pretty disastrous results. (Missing work since I can’t bend and even sitting is painful. Not the way I would choose to spend my time away from work.)

So since I am immobile with time on my hands and the inability to move much, I was pondering how I got here. Here are 3 things us working mom’s need to stop doing in order to live a happier, and (hopefully) healthier life.

Feeling like a Maryter

As mothers we would give up everything for our family. We easily put their needs before our own, like pushing through a cold when we really need a rest. Or going through a sleepless night with the baby and letting out hubby snore away, knowing full well we have to get to work tomorrow.

Part of me will admit there is something in me, and I think in most mom’s, that make us feel proud of the sacrifices. It makes us feel stronger and more important to our family. Almost like we bring it on ourselves so that later we can say “but look…look at all I did for you.”

I’m not saying we don’t do these things out of love. However, on some occasions, we also do it out of a feeling of martyrdom. Priding ourselves in making these sacrifices, when an easier solution might have worked just as well.

Feeling Guilty

There is that “G” word again. It seems to walk along side us as a working mom. So much of a mom’s life is driven by guilt. We feel guilty when we take the time to care for ourselves because we are trading off the care of another.

If I go to the gym, then I don’t get the laundry done. Go out with the girls means sacrifice time with the hubby. Buying  something I need then I take money away from something my family might need.

Yes, moms we are going to feel guilt but sometimes we need to recognize we can not go around with no pants because we never took the time to buy ourselves anything!

Ok, I know that is a bit extreme but it’s true. (I’m speaking from experience.) We need to care for ourselves or we are not useful to our family.

In addition, what kind of message does this send to our children? Does it make our son’s anymore knowledgeable in how to treat there future wives when they see us trudging on through sickness and injury? They will come to think this behavior is ok. What about our daughters? Are they to believe  this is how motherhood is suppose to be? That it is all self sacfrice and no self care. Are you modeling the women you want your daughter to become?

Don’t be afraid to ask for help

We are tough, we are strong, we are mom’s right? Well, sometimes we are also stupid. ( I am speaking from experience again.) For most of us we are not in this alone, we have husbands, significant others, sisters, friends, neighbors who have asked us dozens of times if we need anything. We shun the help because we’ve got this mom thing down right? This is our perfectionist side run amock. We don’t want to burden anyone what we feel is our reasonability. We can’t appear as if we don’t have it all together. The truth is we can’t and shouldn’t go it alone.

Not only are we harming ourselves but we are robbing our spouses others from the chance to be a Dad. Robbing out children from the experience of different personalities, disciplining styles and teachings of others. We are steal their  opportunities to build relationships outside of us. Why?

Let’s get real. Because we want to be the most important, most treasured person to our little people. When you ask for help, you have to let someone else have this moment in the sun so you can take a rest, and take care of you.  Asking for help is also a letting go of control over the direction a situation might take. Buy asking for help you are giving temporary control over to someone else. This might be hard for some of us to wrap our heads around.

If you do these things like I do. Don’t beat yourself up. It is ok. I know this motherhood thing is a “learn as you go” process. It’s funny how sometimes nature has a way (like coming down with the flu or having your back go out) of force you to reflect on how you can do things different in the future.

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What are your words really saying to little ears?

Well, kids are always listening. Especially when you don’t want to them to. However, if you ask them to put on their shoes or put their toys away their attention apparently evaporates into thin air. This weekend I had made the discovery that my internal dialog was not matching the impression I was giving my children.

Are your words conveying something you don’t feel?

I have been conveying a message in words and actions, which made my daughter feel that taking her to sports, activities and doing the things a mom does, where a bother to me. This was never my intention and something that once I realized I was doing, broke my heart.

It was a super busy weekend with back to back sports games for both of my children. In addition, we were scheduled to bring snacks for both teams. For days I had been trying to coordinate schedules with my husband, who was working.

I guess, without thinking about it, my manner and how I discussed the upcoming events sounded rushed, worried and annoyed. Once everything was planned out, it all went great and we really a lot of fun. However, my daughter kept apologizing to me for the busyness and hectic pace of the day.

The first time she said it I thought it was odd.

“Mommy, “she said, “I am so sorry you have to do all this.” That seemed like a silly statement to make. Didn’t she know I don’t have to do this? I want to do this.

A few minutes later, while we were retrieving snacks for game 2, she said it again. This time I realized. Something I did or said gave her the impression this is a bother. That being with her, watching her play and doing things for her was nothing but an annoyance to me.  All at once it hit me I made my daughter feel this way. How had I given her this impression?  Something I said, my off handed complaints, I didn’t even think about how this must have sounded to her. Total. Mom. Fail.

After the 3^rd apology, my heart broke.  I pulled her aside and talked to her about it. Told her how much I love doing these things. How much I love her. I live for spending moments like this with her and how I just love being her mom. Even though it was a busy day, I love every minute of it and would do it all again. My favorite part of life is spending moments like this with her.

I hope these words erased whatever damage my unthinking actions and rushed complaints might have started in her. Sometimes in the hustle and bustle of life, school, and extra-curricular activities, we forget to look at our actions from the outside.

We are so caught up in the moment of getting things done we don’t realize the message our busyness, our body language and our tone can convey to our children.

I did not. Not until my daughter started to apologize to me for needing me to do the things a mom does. Somehow, I made my daughter feel guilty for needing me. She was saying she is sorry for making me into the thing I enjoy and value more than anything in the world, being her mom.

This was an eye-opening experience for me and I hope one I can correct with time. Like most mom’s I know, my children mean the world to me. If that message is not coming across then well… I am failing them as a mom and need to make some adjustments quick.

Are your words coming out in a way you don’t intend?  Did your body language convey something to your children that you we’re not aware of? If you have had an experience like this, how have you corrected your behavior? What was your circumstance? Please share your story in the comments.

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5 Ways to Keep Your Kids From Fighting

Are your kids constant bickering driving you nuts?

Maybe summer boredom has set in because my kids have been at each other’s throats in recent weeks. The constant bickering, tattle-telling, and arguing have been driving me up a wall. So much so I have resorted to hiding out in my bedroom. I often wondered how I could go from missing them every second I am away, to a level of frustration, exhaustion and raised voice that I never even knew existed?

What had changed? Was this just a phase like everyone was telling me? I had a hard time believing that this would just pass. After several weekends alone with them, breaking up silly squabbles and spending the whole time yelling and frustrated, I decided I needed to do a bit of research. [ctt title=”I needed a plan of attack so I would not have to spend another weekend at my wits end. ” tweet=”I needed a plan of attack so I would not have to spend another weekend at my wits end. #momlife” coverup=”O52Pm”] What I discover was some tactics to approach this situation in a new way. Now these 6 methods might not work all the time, but they helped our family scale back on the fighting and start to enjoy each other again.

1. Get off the computer and your phone!

   This is huge. I found that I was spending more time then I realized behind a screen. This was resulting in my kids feeling less paid attention to and acting out more. I will admit that going on the computer was my escapism. It was my way of avoiding having to deal with the fighting and bickering. Once I got off the computer and put don the phone my kids behavior improved.

2. Try whenever possible to spend one on one time with each child

   It seemed that most of my children’s behavior was motivated by trying to get attention. This was something I remember seeing Kate from Jon and Kate Plus 8 do (Yes, prior to all the drama she had  amazing mom insight) She would organize a special day where they would spend it with only one child, doing something they choose. This creates a deeper bond between you and your child and helps you to learn more about them as an individual. Plus they feel special and attended to and don’t need to fight for attention from you.

3. Do not referee

   My sister-in-law gave us this valuable piece of advice about 4 years ago and she was right on the money. Trying to determine who started what, who was mean to who and who is at fault between two warring siblings will drive you bonkers. “Fighting is an act of cooperation,” according to renowned parenting expert, Dr. Kevin Lehman, so they are both at fault when they fight. Once I made it clear that the blame would be shared, the fighting lessened.

4. Make clear the consequences of misbehavior

   Part of my problem was I was spending so much time trying to figure out who caused the last fight and who instigated the next one that I was to flustered to even set an appropriate consequence. I was maddening and dizzying. Once I sat both kids down first thing in the morning and stated in plain terms. Do not excuse anyone’s actions including your own, if you do this then this will happen

5. Outline what respect is and how it should be show to each family member 

   Observing my children talk to each other disrespectfully was unnerving enough but once it started to spill over into backtalk and dis respect for myself and other adult that is when I knew something had to be done. Now the moment I hear a snotty disrespectful tone I pull the child aside and explain specifically why that talk is not acceptable behavior, how it makes the person feel and how they would feel if it we’re them. Then it is imperative they apologize to the individual. I explain that they do not have to agree with the person but they must still speak to them respectfully.

Now if only some adults could learn that. Maybe they need a time out!

Check out these books by Dr. Kevin Lehman

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Feeling Out of Balance and Overwhelmed?

Are you a mom who feels like she is trying to do everything

and be everything to everyone?

Feeling like you can’t seem to get caught-up and feel constantly out of balance?

Are you a mom who feels overwhelmed? Are you wrestling with the constant feeling of mommy guilt for being a working parent?

I hear you. I feel it to. It is one of the reasons I started this blog. To reach out to working mom’s like myself, in the effort to provide support, encouragement and sometimes just to sympathize.  Sometimes motherhood can feel lonely and isolating. It can feel overwhelming and extremely emotional. Here is where this blog comes in. I am also a mom and I share this  journey with you.

[ctt title=”Here I share feelings, struggles and advice received from other’s moms. I share it with you because through each other we grow stronger.” tweet=”Here I share feelings, struggles and advice received from other’s moms. I share it with you because through each other we grow stronger.” coverup=”RHKsQ”]Through each other the tough days of “mommying” don’t have to feel so tough. If this appeals to you with please enter your email below so I can give you 5 Ways to Find Balance and Moderation as a Working Mom. I go back to these tips time and time again when I feel my mom world spinning out of control. They are simple, actionable and useable. As always thank you for visiting and I look forward to getting the opportunity to walk with you during this motherhood journey.

Get 5 Ways to find Balance and Moderation as a Working Mom today!

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How My Help Was Hurting My Family

It was one of those days when I felt like the worse mom ever, the worse wife ever. You know those days. When you come home from work, you have a splitting headache, the day was absolute crap and all you want to do is get home and cuddle your babies.

Then it happens. You enter the house, step over the toys, clothes and shoes strun about, head into the kitchen and stare at the pile of dishes in the sink. You proceed into the bedroom to change out of your work clothes and glimpse the two heaping mountains of laundry awaiting your arrival. Then your partner asks, ” What’s for dinner?” It’s an innocent enough question. Not one that should put you over the edge in their view. Not one that should send you into hysterics. But right then and there you lose your ?&%$.

The pressure from having all this stuff piling up on top you is to much. The overwhelming responsibility of feeling like everything is just sitting waiting for you to get it done. Sometimes, some days it is too much. However, if I am honest with myself. I know this literally was a house of my own making. Somewhere along the way in my journey through motherhood. I got the mistaken impression that only I can cook food, only I can do the laundry and only I can touch the floor to pick up things.  Why would my family every venture to do any of these things? I had always done them.

This my friends is called enabling! Yes, I am an enabler. I have enabled my husband to play video games while I cooked dinner. I have enabled my children to think throwing clothing on the floor is ok. I picked it up, I made the food. I have driven myself bat guano crazy trying to keep up this enabling façade.

Maybe I felt more superior, more important, more needed by allowing this to go on. But that’s the thing about overdoing it. There comes a point when you can not do anymore and you are crushed by the weight you have loaded upon yourself. So there I stood in my closet feeling crushed by a simple question of what is for dinner and all the expectation, false disappointment and self-pity I feel welling up inside me.

I tell you this story as a cautionary tale. I made a desion to stop the madness. The next morning I didn’t make breakfast, or lunch. I let the laundry sit in the basket. I left the dishes in the sink. Yes, my house is a wreck but that’s just it. This  is not only my house. It is our home. How dare I think that I am alone in caring for it, or cleaning it or living in it. So I made a decision to let it go. Yes, it is hard…really hard to walk past that lone sock in the hall or leave the half eaten cereal bowl right where it is. But I’m learning. I’m learning that it is not all on me. I’m learning that the only real pressure in my house is what I create for myself. I am learning not to be an enabler… and whether they like it or not, my family is learning too.

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Today’s Moms Are In Charge Of The Money

I am not sure when the shift happened but over the past decade or so the household finances, traditionally the realm of the male head of household, have become the responsibility of the mother. Mother’s are now increasingly the CFO’s of the household finances. It might be our ability to multi-task in a productive way, or how we stay organized differently from our male counterparts that has made this role shift take place. [ctt title=”Whatever the reason, woman of the house are taking a much more active role in the family finances, paying down debt and shopping frugally.” tweet=”Whatever the reason, woman of the house are taking a much more active role in the family finances, paying down debt and shopping frugally.” coverup=”U5X7c”]

Another factor that may have played a part into the increase of mom’s handling money is the new term known as Mompreneur. Mompreneur is defined by Wikipedia as a female business owner who is actively balancing the role of mom and the role of entrepreneur. In order to follow their dreams of business ownership these mom’s have been much more active in paying down debt then ever before. Gone are the days of a mom frivolously spending money on a new dress in fear of the husband’s financial wrath. Mom’s are working together with their partners to be strategic about the spending and set themselves up for business owners.

One of the ways stay at home mom’s are effecting their finances is through direct sales companies. They are taking hold of there families financial future while still at home with the children by earning extra income and but maintaining a flexible schedule.

For those like me, who are still working a 9-5 outside the home. I felt the need to take over the finances and make the money I earned work best for our family. In working outside the home, I have been sacrificing precious time with my children and I want to be sure the money earned making this sacrifice is used wisely. I took over the family finances when I saw my husbands divided focus made it difficult for him to maintain consistency in our bills, or payments. Not only can this be empowering, it also seems like a natural fit for a mom’s more nurturing care-giver mentality.

Mom’s of today are much more then just MOM. We are CFO, couponer, shopper, bill payer, and business owner. We  are partners in determining the financial future of our households, and we contribute more then just our own 2 cents.

Finding My Calling in a Sink Full of Dishes

The picture above epitomized why the tone of this blog is going to shift a bit. This sink full of dishes is what I came home to yesterday. The sink full of dishes is the reality of a working mom. A mom that has no time. A mom that never gets to sit and have dinner or breakfast. A mom that has to handle all the pressures and stresses and bad bosses and back stabbing coworkers, then come home to a sink full of dishes.

Sometimes the scenery might change, the ages of the kids might vary but the plight of the working mom is very real. This is our life…this sink full of dishes. This is our story. We are depended upon; things are expected of us. Things that, if we thought about, we would never in a million years expect someone else to accomplish in the amount of time and pace we expect from ourselves.  Somewhere along the way the role of the mom become all encompassing. We lost the stay at home, Jello mold, dress wearing mom of the 1950’s and replaced her with the hurried, haggard, working mom of the 2000’s.

 It has reached a new level of craziness in that this is what we have done to ourselves. We have guilted ourselves into believing that all we do, in an insane amount of time, all these varied tasks are our responsibility and ours alone. And we are expected to carry them out with near perfection! What have we done to ourselves. No wonder we feel out of balance all the time. No wonder we are overwhelmed.

I came home to a sink full of dishes, a dinner to cook, a house that looks like a disaster, a mountain of laundry, children’s homework to do and a cake business to run! Most of this I created. I brought on myself. We are mothers yes, but where in the handbook did it say we are slaves? Where in the rules did we lose our freedom to have a loving home where we are appreciated and at peace?

I want to state for the record that as of today I want to reshape the idea of the working mom. I want to make it into something that is actually real. Someone that exists. Not this sink of dirty dishes, false expectations and insurmountable pressure. I want to get back to what I loved about being a mom. What it felt like to come home from work and not want to run screaming from responsibility.

 I want to discover new and better ways of doing things that don’t take such a toll on the “momness” inside me. Over the coming months, this blog will change and I will embark on this new journey of remaking the idea of the working mom. I will still focus on our key areas like food, as the nutritional gatekeeper of the household and family health practitioner. I will also continue to address household finance, since in most cases this is also the duty that falls to mom. Family and feelings, these two areas will take center stage. Balance and moderation are still going to play key roles but they will be weaved into the strategies of a working mom.

My aim is to help you and myself not feel overwhelmed, angry or sad about coming home to a sink full of dishes. I want us to be free from the “mommy guilt” and the feelings we create in our “momhood.” I want us to transform into the happy, healthy, balanced mom’s we should be! Come join me on this new journey.

Overdoing Parenting: I have become a Helicoptor parent

I had a strange epiphany the other day thy I will share with you. My children have entered the stage where they do nothing but fight and bicker. The constant back noise of bickering has driven me to a state of desperation. I can not take it anymore. When they get along they are adorable, but lately they are at each others throats with blame and anger. I have read a few parenting sites and followed some suggestions there. However, to my surprise the one that seems to work the best is ignoring it.

I was utterly amazed when we were in the car and I heard the familiar “Mom, he said this….”, ” Mom, she did this….” I was to tired to referee so I told them to work it out. And to my amazement they did! After a few minutes I actually watched as they talked through it and worked it out. About 5 minutes later they we’re laughing and having fun. This made me realize something else. I am a helicopter parent. What is a helicopter parent you ask.

One that ‘hover’ over their children in an effort of trying to control their lives in order to protect them from harm, disappointment, or mistakes.

Yup! That’s me.I don’t know when this happened but I am one of those parents ho are always jumping in to save the day, referee a fight and in my head keeping my kids safe.

It dawned on me that I do entirely to much and are handicapping my kids. I fully understand the need to let them do for themselves and even have failures,  but I haven’t been letting them do any of it. I have not given them an opportunity to have any independence because I’m to tired, or to busy or to afraid.

image from davist3.wordpress.com

I know the world has changed but has it changed that much from when I was a kid and riding my bike all over town? The media bombardment of constant threats has made the world into a much scarier place to raise kids. This is totally something I have been sucked into. Also in the back of my head I have a constant stream of mommy blame going on. “Am I screwing my kids up? Will they be in therapy because of me? This has also caused me to “pave the road” for them on far to many occasions.

So know that I know this how do I stop myself from being a Helicopter Parent? Will I learned the first lesson. I need to step back and keep my mouth shut. Instead of intervening to fix their fight let them work it out. Let them develop proper communications skills and make the decision about how they feel.

Another part of removing myself as a helicopter parent is to let them fail. This will defiantly be a tough one. No one wants to see their child fail especially when they can prevent it. However, they will never learn to overcome failure if they never experience it in the first place.

I know I must also work on letting them handle the responsibility of their own school work. I totally hover. I lay out their work for them and make them sit down and complete it. My sister-in-law raised to daughter who are highly intelligent, capable and mature. (They are borderline genius, no joke!). When I asked her how she helped them prepare for school she said he didn’t. She made it their responsibility. I know she is right! So as hard as it might be I will have to try to stop hovering for the sake of my children. For more information and definitions of “Helicopter Parenting,” I found this article helpful.