Summer to Remember

We are coming the end of another school year. This time of year is bittersweet to me. I look forward to the summer, the less hectic pace and the opportunity to spend more uninterrupted time with my children. At the same time I am also a bit melancholy over the passing of another school year and the ever present march forward.

My daughter is entering 5th grade next year. In public school down south that means the last year of elementary school. With middle school looming I (as well as other mothers facing the same circumstance) am filled with fear and trepidation. My fear is founded in what my little girl will be facing. How “advanced” are these middle schooners? Will my innocent child fall prey to some all knowing 8th grader?

I remember middle school for myself. It was a really troubling, emotional time. Leaving childhood behind and embracing hormones, teens, boys and the need for popularity and acceptance. I know that very soon I will be left behind for friends at school. And I get it that is just the way of things, I did it to my parents who did it to their parents and so on. It is a right of passage. But even with I am still emotional about her growing up.

All those people who said how fast the time goes when you have children weren’t kidding. It flew by and as I sit here typing this I watch as another year come to a close. Even though I am saddened at the idea of my cuddly funny, sweet babies moving closer to adulthood. What ultimately gets me is that I know they are only mine for a short time. The time feels much shorter now then it did when they were in diapers.

In the end it is about watching them grew. Seeing them have new experiences and transform into the people they are meant to become. As I have mentioned before part of that scares me but that is the leap we take when having children. We know at some point while holding that baby in our arms we will have to release them into the world.

Part of why we hold on the past is because we know what has already happened but we do not know what will be. I think as fearful as I am about the future I am also hopeful. For some of us, like my sister-in-laws and their children, they come back to you. Not as the child that left you but as the friend you never knew you needed or that they would become.

The future hold so much possibility for my children. I will just have to sit back and enjoy the journey. As for now I plan on making this summer and each one to follow as fun, funny and memorable as we can make it.

 

Having a Bad Mom Day

I feel like I try so hard to be  good mom but some days I just fail. The day that ends in a screaming fight. The hours that feels like a battle for supremacy. Mornings I want to crawl back into bed and pull the covers over my head.

I fail because I am human and I have no idea what I am doing. Some moments I shame myself and don’t feel like being the adult. I forget to set the example. In my heart I want my little ones to grow up and be productive, happy, healthy people but my head tells me over and over… I am failing at it.

I yell too much and say things in the wrong way. At times I totally lose it, go in my bedroom, close then door and have my own little tantrum like I am the child.  Don’t you ever get tired of telling them to put down that cookie or stop jumping on the couch?  Sometimes I just do not feel like being the adult. But I am the mom.

Moments when I feel like I can’t get up off the couch again, do another load of laundry, and break up another argument. I start to disintegrate after I have clean the same area I have now cleaned for the 5th time that day. I just get tired. Mentally and physically.

Emotionally, there are times when my need so badly to control my children’s environment. The fear almost over powers me. If you would only do things my way, the way I want you to. I will be able to keep you safe, innocent. If you would just listen. But you are kids. It is in your nature to test your boundaries. It is nothing new to repeat something for the 9th time knowing I have not been heard. I just get tired, my edges worn down.

Sometimes the push back gets to be to much. My need for control takes over and I try to fit square pegs into round holes. Try to shove my wants into may kids. Making them who I want them to be instead of who they are. This is my biggest fail time and again.

There are so many threats, so many people looking to steal their innocence. To rob them of childlike goodness. I fight in vane to stay vigilant and keep the threats away. Swatting at them with paper swords… it is all for nothing.

My grip has slipped and I can not longer defend against it. Desperately I try to shield my children with my own body. Not realizing that ultimately the only one who can defend against this enemy is themselves.

I must put the sword in your hand. That is my job. I need to let you stand and fight. My fear is that you won’t…and I will have to watch you get hurt. Knowing I could have stopped it.

I know I need to step back. To let you fail, to learn and overcome if that is what is meant to be. Instead I keep failing as your mom, keep overstepping and over reaching. Yes, you are clothed , feed, have a roof over your head but how do I give you guidance when I feel like I am always doing it wrong?  Shouldn’t I know more by now? Shouldn’t I have more of the answers? Frequently I have none and make it up as I go. Feeling that I fail more often them I can count.

Were is the wisdom that was suppose to come with these crows feet? Where is the grounded strength I should feel from the added weight on my hips?  I only feel more ignorant and unbalanced, weighted down by my parental ineptitude.

Less prepared for each day, less able to protect you. To help you. To control things. My heart breaks.  Talking to other mom’s they seem so secure, so confident that they are doing it right. Is that an act? Do they have the answers I don’t or are they just better at hiding there failures.

There was a time I loved being a Mom. It made me feel special, important to a little person, loved and able to give love. I felt like a million dollars. Floating on air. I raced home each day to see my babies, hold them love them. So full of love.

Lately, I feels like a battle where I am left in pieces. Attacked on all fronts. More often them not, I am losing. I have no strategies, no techniques. Only want to get through the day without feeling like a failure.

I know no one is a perfect mom. Inside my head I still strive to be and fall so far short. Even though I know it is unrealistic the feeling is there and it makes me feel awful. But there are other feelings too. The feeling of those little arms around me, telling me “Mommy I love you.” Those little moments where I feel like I have done O.K. Maybe I won’t screw them up too much. In the end all I can do is love them.

 

 

Are you getting enough sunshine?

It all happened when I gave up Milk

Went I think of Vitamin D I think of milk. In recent years I have all but given up regular cows milk for the digestive upset it can give me. Never did I think that by giving up this dairy staple I might have been leaving myself susceptible to a Vitamin D deficiency. Lack of fortified dairy is only one way to get Vitamin D however. THe majority of our daily intake comes from sun exposure. The idea of exposing yourself to the sun runs counter to what we have been told for years. Cover up, use SPF 1000, wear a heat, avoid the sun. Little did we know we were also denying our bodies much needed nutrients.

If you are like me and work indoors each day it is easy to forget how little sun exposure we are actually getting. I mean we go from the house to the car, car to work, sit in enclosed office all day, then got back from office to car, car back to home. When do we even see the sun?

Ahh… on the weekends maybe? Maybe not. If you live in a cold climate it is unlikely you are venturing out enough to really get sufficient Vitamin D. If you are in a warm climate like me we are slathering on the sunscreen or just staying in the a/c and out of the heat.

How common is Vitamin D Deficiency?

The next thing you know these factors come together to bring about a Vitamin D deficiency. So how common is vitamin D deficiency?

According to Mecola.com “Researchers estimate that 50 percent of the general population is at risk of vitamin D deficiency and insufficiency, and this percentage rises in higher-risk populations such as the elderly and those with darker skin.”

Why do we need Vitamin D anyway?

So what does Vitamin D do anyway? An article on WebMD by Daniel J. DeNoon states …”your body must have vitamin D to absorb calcium and promote bone growth. Too little vitamin D results in soft bones in children (rickets) and fragile, misshapen bones in adults (osteomalacia). You also need vitamin D for other important body functions.”

“Vitamin D also fights infections, including colds and the flu, as it regulates the expression of genes that influence your immune system to attack and destroy bacteria and viruses,” says Dr. Michael Holick, author of the book The Vitamin D Solution.

“Research has shown that vitamin D might play an important role in regulating mood and warding off depression. In one study, scientists found that people with depression who received vitamin D supplements noticed an improvement in their symptoms,” according to Healthline.com.

How do I know if I don’t have enough D?

So how do you know if you are Vitamin D deficient? I found out after a routine blood test. A lot of the symptoms had already presented themselves but I just assumed they were from other things. Vitamin D never crossed my mind. Here are some signs you may need to have your Vitamin D levels checked.

1. Aching Bones and joint stiffness
2. Depression
3. Your overly sweaty
4. You have tummy troubles. (This one is kind of ironic to me because that is what kept me from drinking milk, most likely making me more D deficient.
5. General weakness.

People that are darker skinned or over 50 may be more susceptible to iron deficiency because of reduced ability to absorb D from the sun.  Even as little as 15 minutes outside without sunblock can have an effect on your Vitamin D levels. You doctor will advise you if a Vitamin D supplement is necessary. In general however, the best way to be sure you are getting the enough of the sunshine Vitamin is to turn of the TV, get off the computer, get out of the office and get outside more.

***I am not a doctor and this post is not medical advice. I am just someone who was caught by surprise by my low Vitamin D count. This is intended for information purposes only.

 

 

 

I’m Back

Ok, It has been about a year since I migrated off WordPress.org and moved on to WordPress.com. Needless to say I learned a lot from the experience. Mostly I learned self hosting for the non-tech savvy is very difficult. Quite frankly I found I was spending more time trying to sort out why my blog was not working, instead of what it was meant to do.

After a long four hours of frustration, yelling and ignoring my kids I had enough. I was done with self hosting, done with blogging. All I ever wanted to do was write and here I was not writing and sacrificing time with my kids for it. Although I learned a lot and came across some wonderful people, like my Over the Moon link Party Ladies, I knew it was time to pack it in.

I needed to let go of my dream of being a big time blogger with sponsors and a huge following. I had to face the idea that this was not the stage in my life where I was going to be able to devote the time needed to sort out tech stuff, come up with email list promotions and coordinate social media campaigns. Heck, even keeping up with a monthly newsletter was becoming difficult. Granted, I still want to write and share my thoughts with whoever will to hear them. So I figure why not return to where my blog began. Where I first found support and gave this blog a voice. Back to this platform.

Migrating to self hosting turned out to be a frustrating endeavor that did not bring me closer to what I wanted. So I decide to stop. I moved most of my posts over the past year back here. I am letting go of the schedule I created for myself that became more of a chore then a joy. The goals and aims for both platforms are very different and it turned out to be much more tech driven then I had time for. So here I am selling nothing, promoting nothing just being me again. And that is exactly how I like it.

Month 4 of Taking Care of You: Pamper Yourself

This is the fourth installment in the “Taking Care of Me” series. In month one we examined Habits, month two we looked at Loving Ourselves, and month three we examined Letting Go Of Something Toxic. This month is about Pampering Yourself.

This month, for the first time in years, I actually looked at my face. Sounds pretty crazy right? For years I have not taken the time to look in the mirror. With how busy of mom life is each morning, I would wash my face, brush my teeth and get on with reading for the day. The hustle and bustle of the increasing morning responsibilities with children chipped away at my make-up routine.

Eventually what little primping I did evaporated. Jewelry and accessorizing was a practice that went away along time ago. Morning life just became too busy to take the time to stare in the mirror outside of  a cursory glace as I ran out the door. (This was pretty much to make sure my hair wasn’t sticking up and I didn’t have baby food anywhere.)

Never having been a girly girl, I ;et go that at this point in life I just didn’t  have the time to paint my nails, put on lipstick regularly and select complementary accessories. Yes, I would stare in jealously at the women at work who always looked put together and ready for the day.

I vowed to myself someday I would take the time to take better care of myself. Finally I would use the trendy facial mask collecting dust on my vanity. Or at any rate I would at least fully dry my hair before I left the house. In reality those things never happened, I never made the time. Feeding the baby, throwing in a load of laundry, and packing lunches. Those things had to happen first.

So I let the primping and coloring go. I stopped caring about doing my hair and make-up. Hey, I was raising a family, lipstick had to take a backseat. So what if I felt disheveled and a bit embarrassed when I got to work? None of it really mattered when I thought about all I had done before leaving the house each morning.  Looking back I give myself and any working mom a pat on the back for managing to get to work at all.

Then one day I looked in the mirror. I REALLY looked in the mirror. Who was this person? My skin looked terrible. The big dark circles under my eyes make me look like I got double face punched. My eyebrows! They were an Italian girls nightmare. Suddenly the acne that had plagued me disappeared but in its place was this patchy dry, sagging dullness. My skin didn’t look like this before. My face looked tired…and old. In my hustle, bustle and self-neglect, I had aged.It was written all over my face.

The process of change began by the purchase of moisturizer. A product me and my formerly oily skin, stayed far away from. Then with the help of some Younique and Sephora samples I stared to experiment with other items like primers, creams and foundations. I never used a ton of make-up due to my acne. Everything I used would break me out so I kept it very basic and never experimented much.

After about 5 (or more) years of not taking the time to care for my skin and face, I was shocked and saddened by the changes that took place. This could not be me. I didn’t look like this. Who was this person? But I knew the answer was staring at me like that new tub of moisturizer.

This is the mom when stayed up with her restless daughter or sick son. The daughter who buried her father, and grandmother. She is the wife who tried to keep the house quite and let her husband sleep in because he worked all night. This is the caregivier who cooks a weeks worth of food in one day so her family will be well feed. This face is me. Maybe not the 20-year-old me, but it was me all the same. And it was time I took care of her.

This month I (literally) came face to face with my face. Deciding instead of pining for the skin I once had, to take the time to accentuate what I am now. Instead of noticing my new wrinkles and dull skin, I need to take a moment to pamper myself. Discover and apply some products that make me feel good about the person I have become. The tired mom… well she is still here but I no longer have a baby crying through the night and my red, bumpy, painful acne is a thing of the past.  I can embrace the face I have, with all the wonderful experiences that are etched into it.

For the first time in my life I am learning about make-up. Finding joy in the pigments and products. Exploring how proper skin care and application can transform a tired face into one of brightness. Honestly, I didn’t know how transformative proper skin care could be.

Learning all about the amazing array of products, what they do and how to apply them has been fun. Pampering myself was never a phrase in my vocabulary but venturing into this area has been so restorative, emotionally and physically. Overall I just feel better about myself when I use these new products and take the time to apply them regularly.

Although it has not been easy. Some mornings I have had to force myself to set aside time. Literally locking my husband and kids out of the room until I was done. I have even started night routine. Before I would just crash into bed from the exhaustion of the day. Now I am preparing myself for bed.  This month I learned a lesson in valuing myself and making my face a priority. It is not a great deal of time, but it is a enough to get back to the me I need to be. The one that I now see on a daily basis in the mirror.

This month is about Pampering Yourself. This could mean scheduling a spa treatment or massage. Finally getting the expensive purse you have been loving from far. Or just stopping to take a needed nap on a Saturday afternoon. This month make a special effort to treat yourself right and give to yourself without blame, guilt or regret because you are important and you matter.

 

5 Ways to Build a Girls Self Worth

Growing up we all had that one friend who would say they were your bestie but the moment someone “cooler” came along they would drop you like a bad habit. These people would return to you when there was nothing else to do or when no one else was around only to flat leave you all over again. This behavior would play on repeat until you would finally decide you had enough and end the “friendship.” These are known as fair weather friends.

growing up I was not the try of kid who would ever hurt anyone’s feelings. Basically I was a doormat. Letting these fair-weather friends walk all over me. Then one day I decided to put a stop to it. Fast forward to today as I watch this same situation play out with my own children. I watch as the fair-weather friend mistreats my daughter. Invites her over then drops her when another friend can come over instead.

I stand by silently as my daughter cries as this little girl brags to her and puts her down. I sit silently and I wait. I wait for the moment when my daughter will fight back. When she will see here own greatness. I wait until the flurry of words explodes from her so that this girl never messes with her again. I wait but it doesn’t happen. My heart breaks as I see the pain on her face.

Honestly, I wish it could jump in and defend her, protect her from this little evil being hurting my little girl. But I know this is not my fight. She needs to find her own greatness, her own self worth. Something I never learned until far to late.

It will happen one day soon when she has had enough but part of me wonders if I can’t help her more. No, I don’t mean Marching in costumed body parts, wearing pink caps and shouting baseless claims of “resistance.” I mean really teaching a girl her worth. Helping her find her self respect. To stand up to other girls as she will eventually have to stand up to other women and men. Here are 5 ways to build a girls self worth.

Don’t raise her as a “pleaser.”

According to Dr. Catherine Steiner-Adair, EdD, a clinical psychologist, we should encourage her to stand up for what she needs and wants. “Create opportunities for her to use her voice,”  “Ask ‘What do you want?’ Let her make a choice and then honor that choice.” – from ChildMind.org.

Set an Example

Don’t trash talk other women or yourself. ” …if a mom is gossiping about one of her friends on the phone and the daughter overhears this, that memory is in her brain forever and she will be more inclined to gossip with her friends as she grows up.”- says Lauren Galley, President of Girls Above Society. (Huffington Post)

Get her into Team Sports

According to an article from Kidsealth.org, playing sports builds self-confidence. “Girls involved in athletics feel better about themselves, both physically and socially. It helps to build confidence when you see your skills improving and your goals becoming reality. Other esteem-boosting benefits of sports participation include getting in shape, maintaining a healthy weight, and making new friends,” it says.

Be wise to media images

Some media images such as plus sized models and female athletes can help young girls feel accepted and empowered. But more often then not TV, movies and magazines are flooded with images that stress “ideal beauty” and appearance. As well as the over equalization of women and young girls.

“Girls’ confidence frequently drops in the pre-teen years as they begin to base their feelings of self-worth more and more heavily on appearance and weight,” says Media Smarts.ca. It is important to limit exposure to media images and have an open dialogue with your daughter about how the media depicts women.

Tell them their value and you love them no matter what

Our girls need to be told tell have value. We often tell them what they have done wrong but we also need to be praise them.  Let them know that their unique gifts, talents, and abilities have value. They are unique and individual. We love them for the person they are not there appearance or accomplishments.

“She needs to know that you’ll love her no matter how her appearance might change or how she dresses or how she might perform at something,” says Dr. Mary Rooney, PhD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in adolescents. Rooney adds “Because even though kids are so reliant on their peers for feedback when they’re in their teens, what her parents think of her matters just as much as it ever did.”- Childmind.org.

 

 

Over the Moon Link Party #70

Welcome to the Over The Moon Link Party #70

 

Welcome to the Over the Moon Link Party!  You can link up any family friendly posts without profanity. Have a post you want to give more reach? Need some comments or shares? Want a post that’s close to going viral takeoff like a rocket? Now is the time to link it up!

We pin EVERY link you leave and may even share on other sites as well! So come on in, be one of the first to link up, and remember to go Over the Moon with us!  

 

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A Lesson in Heart: Why the Relative Age Effect is Wrong

Contrary to what some writers and sports analyst think being the smallest and youngest does not guarantee failure in a persons athletic career. Lessons are learned by team sports which go far beyond physicality, follow a child through their entire life and set them up for success.

My son is super active and in constant motion. We figured sports would help put that energy to use. We really didn’t give that much thought to the myriad of lessons learned through team sports. As we approach the end of the season I am reflecting on the amazing change and growth that team sports has brought in my child.

My son actually began with T-Ball and had an instant love for the sport. He took to it easy and made friends quickly. However, he is literally the youngest…I mean the absolute youngest player in the entire league. Due to when the division cut offs fall and when his birthday is. Much like school, in sports he is the youngest one out there.

Age is nothing but a number

If you have ready Malcolm Gladwell’s book “Outliers, ” then you might have thought, much like myself, that having the youngest smallest child in sports would be to set him up for failure in life.  According to NY Magazine, one of Mr. Gladwell’s points is “…an initial advantage attributable to age gets turned into a more profound advantage over time.” This theory has become known as the Relative Age Effect and in my view is  bull.

Me and my husband initially considered theory for a long time and actually thought about holding my son back in school to ensure he was bigger, stronger and more mature when he began. However, intellectually he was ready and decided we would be doing his a disservice by holding him back.

When we signed him up for T-Ball, this idea came back to haunt me. Would he be the smallest? What if he is picked on? What if he struggle? How it effect his emotionally and scar him for life? Ok I probably was a bit over dramatic. But aside from the scarring him for life part all of that has happened and it is not a bad thing.

Season one and two

My son was the smallest. In being smaller and younger he did not have the motor coordination, at first, that the other players did. I watched in agony as he would miss ball after ball. However, my agony was not his. He was having a blast. He loved his coaches and they loved him as well. My son was learning what it was like to be part of a team and how to support your teammates.

More importantly he was learning resiliency. How to keep trying even if you might not get the results you want the first time. Each practice he tried his best. Never gave up and enjoyed every minute. By the end of the first year he was actually hitting the ball!

Season three

The second year brought new challenges. The size different between my son and the other kids were much more apparent. Likewise the skill level difference between him and other kids varied greatly. He fell somewhere in the middle, with older, bigger kids having more skill and motor control then he had. To my surprise there were older kids that were similar in stature to him struggled throughout the season.

Also, due to the cut off he was no longer in T-Ball. He was moved up (too soon in my opinion) to Coach Pitch. My son was scared he wouldn’t be able to do it and almost choose not the play. However, after meeting the coaches and other kids he wanted to try.

Sometimes he went game after game without a hit. Without a play or so much as touching the ball. There were a few times I turned to mush as he cried that he wanted to give up. The difference is he didn’t. He asked me and his Dad to practice with him more. (which we did.) He started to pay better attention during practice. With hands on his knees he was “baseball ready,” instead of throwing his mitt around the outfield.

While it was heartbreaking to see him leave the batter’s box dejected and sad, there was a lesson in this as well. It was a lesson about playing with Heart. Heart, Will, Determination, Fortitude, Resilience, call it what you will. It is what winning teams are made from.

You can see it time and time again when the underdog, underestimated teams blowing away their opponents. The 1980 US Hockey team, the 2004 Red Sox, and most recently the World Series Champion Chicago Cubs.  In most cases it is not purely, skill, strength or physical prowess that does the job. It is Heart and that is what my son was learning.

His abilities to field, hit and pay attention long enough to get through an inning were finally starting to come on line. By the end of the season he was hitting pretty regularly and had a good grasp of the game. Plus, he understood what it felt like to overcome a struggle.

Season Four

This past season was yet another lesson. Most of his teammate were almost a full 2 years older then he is. Many were now in travel ball league. This meant they had skills far beyond my son. I mean these kids were turning double plays! He had just learned how to hit. However, what surprised me was the social struggle. It seemed like none of the kids knew where they fit with each other. The age and skills varied so greatly. The older kids were not very nice. With the idea they were better players they acted like jerks to the younger kids.

My son, who pretty much gets along with everyone,  had a really hard time with this. It was the first time he was encountering bigger kids who were being bullies. He doesn’t really find them in school because of the anti-bullying efforts, but here on the ball field they still exist. I had a big issue with this and was ready to pull him out of the league.

However my husband stopped me. He reminded me that he NEEDS to learn how to deal with them. IF he doesn’t learn these lessons now he will have a harder time in life when he encounters bullies in the real world.  Boy was it tough to watch these kids but I knew he was right. he had to learn to stick up for himself. If things got bad I could step in. But as painfully hard as it was I had to let him fight his own battle. Uggg!

He was right, my son did learn how to stand up for himself. The effort in overcoming his fear also brought with it a new confidence in his abilities. I watched in amazement as he no only became a solid hitter he actually began to hit it into the outfield. Along with this his fielding also improved. With the encouragement and knowledge of incredible coaches he has grown into a strong player and a respected teammate.

Lessons for life

Being part of a team sport has brought along its challenges but the lessons learned and triumphs have been so worth it. These lessons learned through sports are what will make him a success, not the month he was born and when his birthday falls.  So Mr. Gladwell you are dead wrong that the smaller, younger kids are set up to fail due to age disadvantages that follow them through life.

You didn’t take into account all of the people like coaches, players, friends and family who help to mold them. Mr. Gladwell you also did not consider the many athlete’s who were not the ideal physical specimen, who might not have natural talent but still achieve greatness through hard work, will and determination.

Yes, my son is still the youngest and his is still one of the smallest but like many underestimated people he has Heart and that is what you need to win in the game of life.

 

 

Why Are Adult Themes In Kids Shows?

TV as Teacher

I am not sure how to begin this post. I know the words I am about to write will probably be misinterpreted by some and judged harshly by others but it is the way I feel at this moment. My daughter is 9, my son is 6. Tonight while watching a cartoon they have watched several times before. The story line went in a different direction. The two young characters in the show began talking about how one of the character’s Dad’s were going to have a baby. I thought I misheard it but I hadn’t they said Dad’s, as in 2 fathers.

My daughter promptly changed the channel. My son, not understanding the reference, asked her why she turned the channel. She got upset and left the room. I inquired with my daughter if she understood what they meant by two Dad’s. She said “yes, it meant boy’s liking boy’s…they were gay.” She said the show made was strange. I asked her to explain and she added it wasn’t something that she could explain. Sensing her confusion, I sat her down and tried to probe her further.

When did she first hear about someone who was gay? She said it was in a book or a show somewhere. Since I was unclear how the idea was presented I explained to her gay people are not bad, it is just part of who they are. It is nothing to feel weird about. They are just another form of a family. She seemed to understand the concept of “gay” better when I put it this way.

I recognize for a child who has knowns little to nothing about sexuality yet, the concept of being homosexual can be confusing. Most kids her age are not mature enough to understand what being “gay” means.  That is why I wish TV had not been the vehicle to introduce it.

Sex and violence in a kids movie?

Although the TV show did bring up something I would have addressed with her at some point anyway. I had to wonder why adult themes seem to be seeping into children’s shows? This is not the first time references to sex, sexuality and violence were blatantly broadcast in something made for children. Over Halloween, we attempted to watch the movie “Frankinweenie” and the boy in the movie actually says “sex and violence” within the first 5 minutes.

I know a lot was made about the “gay moment” in Beauty and the Beast but my concern is (from what I hear) the adult themes spread all over the movie. Far more overt then the “gay moment,” there are sexual innuendo and heightened violent scenes. Now I am not saying the makers of the film need to change their movie. By why not change the rating? Movies have gone from PG to PG-13 for less.

Skewing the demographics

Why does Hollywood seem to be hell bent on teaching children about adult themes before they are ready? Over the past year TV and movies have been much more lenient with what is allowed in a PG rating. Children’s channels previously free from overt violence and sexuality, like the Disney channel, are putting out adult like content such as their new show, Andi Mack, in which a teen girl discovers her older sister is actually her mother.

Why is this on a channel watched primarily by 2 to 11 year olds? Wouldn’t a show like this be more appropriate on a channel like Freeform or even Disney XD, which is geared towards teens?

From what I have read the reason for these adult theme children’s shows is the idea that children today are growing up faster and are looking for more “grown-up” storylines.” Sorry, I don’t by it. I think there is a  pressure on kids to grow up too fast and a lot of it comes from Hollywood and the media. These themes are being introduced more frequently in areas previously thought to be “kid-friendly.”

Not ready for prime time

They are coming up in shows and movies well before these kids are full equip, mentally and emotionally to

When I saw this graphic I was shocked. Had no idea something so violent was rated for a 14 year old viewer.

understand concepts like extreme-violence, teen pregnancy and sexual orientation. How could a 5-year-old be asking for shows with more adult theme like teen pregnancy when they don’t understand (and shouldn’t yet) what sex is?

The other prevailing school of thought is, we are only exposing children to something they will learn about anyway? So eventually they will learn about concepts like sexual abuse, drug addiction and murder. Should we be showing those images to a 5-year-old as well?

Some reading this post will think I am being overprotective, restrictive and even a bit of a homophobic. But I have talked to gay and straight parents about this. Many agree it is not so much the topic as the timing it is being introduced. For a teen questioning their sexuality or a 15-year old who is exposed to teen pregnancy, these are appropriate themes for a more mature time of life.

According to Dr. Meg Meeker, pediatrician and author,  “Talking to a child about sex when he is too young can be traumatizing, so parents must use their instincts and best judgement to take the cues and know when to begin talking to their kids about sex, letting them take the lead in their own time.”

TV time became a habit

I will admit this exposure by TV is also something of my own making. Most moms have done what I have. Put on Dora the Explorer for an hour when they were toddlers, so you can take a shower. But that has translated into TV become a daily part of family life.

Although, I am not happy about the adult themes popping up in shows made for young children. Family time is not about watching TV. It is about spending time together. I gave the content control over when I did this and let TV be the teacher. TV’s reference to a gay couple should not have been what prompted a discussion into differing family units and lifestyles. It should have been a more positively framed talk at a more mature, appropriate time.

By sitting them in front of the TV while I was on the computer or doing dishes, I created a habit. My responsibility and duty to preserve their innocence was given to Disney Channels and Cartoon Network producers. Blindly trusting them to keep the content safe and age-appropriate.

It is my job, not TV’s

In truth, they own me nothing. They do not know my kids and what they are ready for. Their goal is to produce shows they think people will watch and advertisers will buy into. It is my job to make sure the content is right for my children.

Still I don’t understand what the big push is to turn children into mini adults.  I know at some point I will have to have “the talk,” with my kids. When we I don’t want them to feel like they can not share their feelings with me because of something they saw on TV.

So for now, I will let my kids stay innocent just a while longer.  Adult life will come soon enough, quicker if Hollywood has their way. And when they are ready, and have questions. My kids can look to me to explain things…instead of learning it from TV.

Do you see Kindness or Rudeness?

What ever happened to basic manners and consideration? I don’t know but it seems like more and more I am encountering people who lack simple manners. Driving to and from work I am floored by the basic arrogance and inconsideration of certain drivers. They not only flout the rules of the road, they think nothing of cutting into the middle of a turning lane and blocking all other traffic.

Lack of curtesy

I am witness to this lack of curtesy displayed in various other places. At the store, where a cashier doesn’t even greet or acknowledge the customer in front of them.  By teens walk into a building and let the door slam in the face of the elderly woman behind them. By customers being so focused on being the first in line they disregard fairness and decency.

And even acquaintances and co-workers passing a rude joke or comment with little to no thought about the other persons feelings. It seems like a general lack of inconsideration is gripping my community. An alarming amount of people seem to be displaying this behavior on a daily basis.

Me, Me, Me

Baring witness to the increase in these acts has been eating away at me. It made me start to question why this behavior was occurring. Are good people still left in the world or is it really all  “me, me me?” When you think  about it who did these people have to learn manners and consideration from?

Government and politicians can not longer engage in civil discourse in a respectful and dignified manner. Woman and young girls are taught crassness and rudeness are somehow cool and make you appear a strong woman. For boys being polite and considerate is considered a sign of weakness and being a mama’s boy.

The media and TV constantly reinforce this behavior as daring, cool and something to be emulated. Maybe it is because a large part of communication is happening online that people are forgetting basic interpersonal skills.

It is ok everyone does it

With the message that rudeness, inconsideration and lack of manner at acceptable behavior why would anyone care to consider others before themselves anymore. Why be concern that leaving your shopping cart in the middle of the grocery store aisle might make it harder for someone else to get by. It makes it easier for your.

Does it really matter if you are speaking loudly into your cellphone in an office where others are working. You should be able to do what you want to right? Who really cares if you take the last seat with no notice of the elderly man who is standing? What difference does it make if we bother saying thank you or your welcome. No one really does that anymore anyway right?

Well I hope I am wrong. Maybe it is just what I am seeing around here. Hopefully, in the little known small towns of America people still know how to treat each others.

Maybe it is not you its me

But maybe that is the point. Could it be all in my perspective? Maybe the moments I notice the bad behavior is when I might not be feeling my best, like at work or sitting in traffic. Because if I think about it, I have seen people be nice as well. I have been witness to  truly kind acts, like my daughter soccer team showing genuine concern after she had an on field bloody nose.

image from funny-pictures.picphotos.net

Or my wonderful neighbors who always let us know when my kids have left their toys out or the dog has wandered off. Then there is my husband who seems to always notice the needs of others in an amazingly intuitive way, giving them the comfort they needs.

Maybe kindness and rudness exist in tandem. In some places and times there may be more or less of each. It could be about what we choose to see just as much as what is really there. If we choose to see the rude, people then they will seem to be all around. But if we make the special effort to notice the kind acts, that might not be so apparent and often go over looked. Then this could be what makes the difference in our personal outlook and our world.