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Posts tagged ‘age’

A Lesson in Heart: Why the Relative Age Effect is Wrong

Contrary to what some writers and sports analyst think being the smallest and youngest does not guarantee failure in a persons athletic career. Lessons are learned by team sports which go far beyond physicality, follow a child through their entire life and set them up for success.

My son is super active and in constant motion. We figured sports would help put that energy to use. We really didn’t give that much thought to the myriad of lessons learned through team sports. As we approach the end of the season I am reflecting on the amazing change and growth that team sports has brought in my child.

My son actually began with T-Ball and had an instant love for the sport. He took to it easy and made friends quickly. However, he is literally the youngest…I mean the absolute youngest player in the entire league. Due to when the division cut offs fall and when his birthday is. Much like school, in sports he is the youngest one out there.

Age is nothing but a number

If you have ready Malcolm Gladwell’s book “Outliers, ” then you might have thought, much like myself, that having the youngest smallest child in sports would be to set him up for failure in life.  According to NY Magazine, one of Mr. Gladwell’s points is “…an initial advantage attributable to age gets turned into a more profound advantage over time.” This theory has become known as the Relative Age Effect and in my view is  bull.

Me and my husband initially considered theory for a long time and actually thought about holding my son back in school to ensure he was bigger, stronger and more mature when he began. However, intellectually he was ready and decided we would be doing his a disservice by holding him back.

When we signed him up for T-Ball, this idea came back to haunt me. Would he be the smallest? What if he is picked on? What if he struggle? How it effect his emotionally and scar him for life? Ok I probably was a bit over dramatic. But aside from the scarring him for life part all of that has happened and it is not a bad thing.

Season one and two

My son was the smallest. In being smaller and younger he did not have the motor coordination, at first, that the other players did. I watched in agony as he would miss ball after ball. However, my agony was not his. He was having a blast. He loved his coaches and they loved him as well. My son was learning what it was like to be part of a team and how to support your teammates.

More importantly he was learning resiliency. How to keep trying even if you might not get the results you want the first time. Each practice he tried his best. Never gave up and enjoyed every minute. By the end of the first year he was actually hitting the ball!

Season three

The second year brought new challenges. The size different between my son and the other kids were much more apparent. Likewise the skill level difference between him and other kids varied greatly. He fell somewhere in the middle, with older, bigger kids having more skill and motor control then he had. To my surprise there were older kids that were similar in stature to him struggled throughout the season.

Also, due to the cut off he was no longer in T-Ball. He was moved up (too soon in my opinion) to Coach Pitch. My son was scared he wouldn’t be able to do it and almost choose not the play. However, after meeting the coaches and other kids he wanted to try.

Sometimes he went game after game without a hit. Without a play or so much as touching the ball. There were a few times I turned to mush as he cried that he wanted to give up. The difference is he didn’t. He asked me and his Dad to practice with him more. (which we did.) He started to pay better attention during practice. With hands on his knees he was “baseball ready,” instead of throwing his mitt around the outfield.

While it was heartbreaking to see him leave the batter’s box dejected and sad, there was a lesson in this as well. It was a lesson about playing with Heart. Heart, Will, Determination, Fortitude, Resilience, call it what you will. It is what winning teams are made from.

You can see it time and time again when the underdog, underestimated teams blowing away their opponents. The 1980 US Hockey team, the 2004 Red Sox, and most recently the World Series Champion Chicago Cubs.  In most cases it is not purely, skill, strength or physical prowess that does the job. It is Heart and that is what my son was learning.

His abilities to field, hit and pay attention long enough to get through an inning were finally starting to come on line. By the end of the season he was hitting pretty regularly and had a good grasp of the game. Plus, he understood what it felt like to overcome a struggle.

Season Four

This past season was yet another lesson. Most of his teammate were almost a full 2 years older then he is. Many were now in travel ball league. This meant they had skills far beyond my son. I mean these kids were turning double plays! He had just learned how to hit. However, what surprised me was the social struggle. It seemed like none of the kids knew where they fit with each other. The age and skills varied so greatly. The older kids were not very nice. With the idea they were better players they acted like jerks to the younger kids.

My son, who pretty much gets along with everyone,  had a really hard time with this. It was the first time he was encountering bigger kids who were being bullies. He doesn’t really find them in school because of the anti-bullying efforts, but here on the ball field they still exist. I had a big issue with this and was ready to pull him out of the league.

However my husband stopped me. He reminded me that he NEEDS to learn how to deal with them. IF he doesn’t learn these lessons now he will have a harder time in life when he encounters bullies in the real world.  Boy was it tough to watch these kids but I knew he was right. he had to learn to stick up for himself. If things got bad I could step in. But as painfully hard as it was I had to let him fight his own battle. Uggg!

He was right, my son did learn how to stand up for himself. The effort in overcoming his fear also brought with it a new confidence in his abilities. I watched in amazement as he no only became a solid hitter he actually began to hit it into the outfield. Along with this his fielding also improved. With the encouragement and knowledge of incredible coaches he has grown into a strong player and a respected teammate.

Lessons for life

Being part of a team sport has brought along its challenges but the lessons learned and triumphs have been so worth it. These lessons learned through sports are what will make him a success, not the month he was born and when his birthday falls.  So Mr. Gladwell you are dead wrong that the smaller, younger kids are set up to fail due to age disadvantages that follow them through life.

You didn’t take into account all of the people like coaches, players, friends and family who help to mold them. Mr. Gladwell you also did not consider the many athlete’s who were not the ideal physical specimen, who might not have natural talent but still achieve greatness through hard work, will and determination.

Yes, my son is still the youngest and his is still one of the smallest but like many underestimated people he has Heart and that is what you need to win in the game of life.




Accepting the Course of Nature and Letting Go

Photo by Warren Gibb

Photo by Warren Gibb 

This week I felt myself age. That’s weird I know. Sometimes some events bring up such new and sudden feelings in you that you might have never faced before, causing a new piece of you to emerge. A new part you didn’t even know was hiding within, awaiting for you to call it forth. Waiting for the right mix of emotion, circumstance, knowledge and experience to be fired together and bring out a new you. Sometimes this is a good thing. Sometimes it’s just what it is. Like a wave beating against the shore, changing it slowly. Grain by grain until you look back and realize the beach is much shorter then it was. As the grains of sand are slowly pulled out to sea. Where am I going with this? I’m not really sure.

In my search for moderation and balance I realized, thru recent events, that I am one of the sandwich generation. Growing young children and caring for aging parents. Just as my children will not be in my home forever, my mother will eventually leave me as well. I have been unbalanced in this respect for so long. I was under the impression that if I nagged her into healthier habits I could keep the passage of time at bay. She of course would never listen to my nagging and this put a strain on our relationship.

I was trying to control things that were outside of my control. I was taking on a responsibility that was never mine to take on. Instead of respecting who she is and the choices she makes, I nagged, badgered and tried to get her to do it my way. This week, I recognized that in order to find balance in my life, I need to let go of things that are not in my control. I need to face that my mother’s failing health and aging are not something I can prevent or save. My nagging comes from a place of fear. Fear of facing that as I have aged, so have my children and my mom.

As I have enjoyed watching my children discover the world, I have been denying that time has passed in other areas of life. I may try to hold on to moments. I may try to fight against aging. I may try to pretend I can do something about what naturally occurs. But I realize if I am ever going to find balance, I must admit when things are beyond my control. I cannot bend time to my will. I can only accept the course of nature and let go.

Harry Potter in Moderation

harry potter

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I remember settling in on the couch during my last week of pregnancy and reading the final Harry Potter, non-stop, cover to cover. The day after I finished the book series was the day my first child came into the world. So it seems very fitting that at the age of 8 my daughter is now enjoying the Harry Potter series like I did.

My daughter has become a voracious reader and has been plowing thru the book series. Unfortunately, she has been reading it a lot fasted then I expected. She is already on book four, “The Goblet of Fire.” This one really started to deal with much darker themes and I’m not sure if she is ready for it.

According to, “Goblet of Fire,” is really more appropriate for a 9 or ten year old. So that leaves me to think, “What should I do?” Do I discourage her from reading the next book? Do I let her read it and see what happens? What, if any, kind of effects will this have on her development?  Apparently, I am not the only one that has considered this because there are several book about the physiology of Harry Potter. This fascinates me, but that’s a conversation for another day.

I’m finding it difficult to walk the line between keeping my little girl “little” and exposing her to themes that I know are coming down the road anyway. Nine is the start of the tween years where children have almost crawled out of their baby shelled shelf, but are not quite fully ready to embrace a teens need to grow up so fast. The later Harry Potter book deal with death and darkness, violence and neglect. But on the flip side it also shows resilience and friendship, sacrifice and belief in others. Most of all the idea that love conquers all, even the big bad guy. books

I know she will encounter these ideas in other areas of life. But in a world that wants my daughter to grow up faster then she is ready for. Where radio song with inappropriate lyrics are market to her. Where TV shows and ads can’t be left on because they sell products my daughter doesn’t need to know about or depict young woman in an overly sexualized way. A world that pays no mind to her innocents and sweet nature.

Thankfully, Harry Potter doesn’t present things in an inappropriate way how radio and TV does. I guess the question is about yours and your child’s comfort level with the darker themes. I don’t know many 7-8 year old’s who are mature enough to understand the darker themes of the later books without being scared.

This along with the fact that my daughter is not at an age to fully understand the greater positive themes. The ones that counter balance the darker parts of the story. Until she has a better understanding of this, I think I will wait a few years and hold on to her childhood innocent a while longer.

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