5 Ways to Build a Girls Self Worth

Growing up we all had that one friend who would say they were your bestie but the moment someone “cooler” came along they would drop you like a bad habit. These people would return to you when there was nothing else to do or when no one else was around only to flat leave you all over again. This behavior would play on repeat until you would finally decide you had enough and end the “friendship.” These are known as fair weather friends.

growing up I was not the try of kid who would ever hurt anyone’s feelings. Basically I was a doormat. Letting these fair-weather friends walk all over me. Then one day I decided to put a stop to it. Fast forward to today as I watch this same situation play out with my own children. I watch as the fair-weather friend mistreats my daughter. Invites her over then drops her when another friend can come over instead.

I stand by silently as my daughter cries as this little girl brags to her and puts her down. I sit silently and I wait. I wait for the moment when my daughter will fight back. When she will see here own greatness. I wait until the flurry of words explodes from her so that this girl never messes with her again. I wait but it doesn’t happen. My heart breaks as I see the pain on her face.

Honestly, I wish it could jump in and defend her, protect her from this little evil being hurting my little girl. But I know this is not my fight. She needs to find her own greatness, her own self worth. Something I never learned until far to late.

It will happen one day soon when she has had enough but part of me wonders if I can’t help her more. No, I don’t mean Marching in costumed body parts, wearing pink caps and shouting baseless claims of “resistance.” I mean really teaching a girl her worth. Helping her find her self respect. To stand up to other girls as she will eventually have to stand up to other women and men. Here are 5 ways to build a girls self worth.

Don’t raise her as a “pleaser.”

According to Dr. Catherine Steiner-Adair, EdD, a clinical psychologist, we should encourage her to stand up for what she needs and wants. “Create opportunities for her to use her voice,”  “Ask ‘What do you want?’ Let her make a choice and then honor that choice.” – from ChildMind.org.

Set an Example

Don’t trash talk other women or yourself. ” …if a mom is gossiping about one of her friends on the phone and the daughter overhears this, that memory is in her brain forever and she will be more inclined to gossip with her friends as she grows up.”- says Lauren Galley, President of Girls Above Society. (Huffington Post)

Get her into Team Sports

According to an article from Kidsealth.org, playing sports builds self-confidence. “Girls involved in athletics feel better about themselves, both physically and socially. It helps to build confidence when you see your skills improving and your goals becoming reality. Other esteem-boosting benefits of sports participation include getting in shape, maintaining a healthy weight, and making new friends,” it says.

Be wise to media images

Some media images such as plus sized models and female athletes can help young girls feel accepted and empowered. But more often then not TV, movies and magazines are flooded with images that stress “ideal beauty” and appearance. As well as the over equalization of women and young girls.

“Girls’ confidence frequently drops in the pre-teen years as they begin to base their feelings of self-worth more and more heavily on appearance and weight,” says Media Smarts.ca. It is important to limit exposure to media images and have an open dialogue with your daughter about how the media depicts women.

Tell them their value and you love them no matter what

Our girls need to be told tell have value. We often tell them what they have done wrong but we also need to be praise them.  Let them know that their unique gifts, talents, and abilities have value. They are unique and individual. We love them for the person they are not there appearance or accomplishments.

“She needs to know that you’ll love her no matter how her appearance might change or how she dresses or how she might perform at something,” says Dr. Mary Rooney, PhD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in adolescents. Rooney adds “Because even though kids are so reliant on their peers for feedback when they’re in their teens, what her parents think of her matters just as much as it ever did.”- Childmind.org.

 

 

Don’t wait for the Last Goodbye

Rushing off to work. Heading out to the store. Don’t forget that doctors appointment this week. It is the daily pace of life. We come and go but sometimes something makes us stop.

We share coffee with that co-worker everyday. We chat with the cousin we only get to see everyone now and then. We hang up the phone with our mom after telling her about our day. Do we ever really considering that our goodbye’s might be the last time we speak to these people.

We move through the pace of life and forget that we are only here short term. Our time here is not guaranteed. Through the hustle and bustle we forget about this fact. Sometimes it causes us to take people in our lives for granted. We might act in a way we know we shouldn’t but figure we will make it up to them tomorrow. But what if that tomorrow never comes for them. How would we feel?
We have all heard the phase life like today is your last day. But what does this mean to you? To me it means. Don’t hold back. Be grateful for the people in your life and tell them so…right now.

Recently, I have had a few friends that have lost love one’s unexpectedly.  The pain they must feel is immeasurable. It is a lesson. A reminder to be ever vigilant with those that we love. Hold tight to them. Tell them how much you love them. How you value them. How they have changed you. What they mean to you.

Don’t save it for another day. The next day may never come.

Our journey here is short. It is fleeting. One day that cousin, co-worker, parent or child might not be here. It can all change in a split seconds. Lives end that fast. Leave nothing on the table. Tell them you love them, tell them what they mean to you. You might not get another chance.

I Have Value

How much is what you produce worth? This is a question that can be taken many different way in a myriad of circumstances. For example, an attorney values his time enough to charge you for every second that you spend talking to them. Their knowledge and expertise in the area of law is of great worth. However, a stay at home mother who runs a household handles a budget, cares and teaches children is considered less valuable. Since their worth is not linked to a monetary hourly amount society does not express value I their skills. (Sad.)

Most jobs have a set amount that you are paid for a set amount of work you do. In those cases if you do more or less you still get paid the same amount. However, if you are an entrepreneur this doesn’t apply. You have the potential to give more value to others and in turn increase your value as a business. You get out what you put in. In this circumstance a lot of thought goes into the value you produce and how it is priced. If you are someone who is wrestling with self doubt you might undervalue the goods and services you provide. This is based upon your own feelings instead of the feelings of your customers. We are surprised by what other people will pay for. But why? Why do we find less value in our skills and products? Why do we assume what we produce is not worth something? If we put out heart and soul into producing something why do we think others will not see value in that?

To answer this question we must look inside ourselves. What is driving this feeling? Why are we undervaluing ourselves? Whether you are a stay at home mom, a business owner, a craft maker, or a hourly worker, we all need to recognize the value in what we produce.

When I first started this blog I was full of self-doubt. I thought no one would care or find anything useful in what I had to say? We create an imaginary scenario in our head that is completely irrational and we talk ourselves into devaluing our work until we are afraid of producing anything. This is what I did with this blog for a long time. If everyone thought like this nothing would be created. So how do we quite self-doubt?

Recognize your own uniqueness. No one can produce what you produce in the way you produce it. Your ideas, your manner, your talent, your creativity. They are unique to you. Someone might produce something similar, but not exactly the way you do. That uniqueness is what makes your work something of value.

When you undervalue yourself think of what you are trading to remain wallowed in self doubt. You never submit your book idea. You never achieve that raise. You undercharge  for the products you create. There are trade-off to these undervaluing actions. After toiling away on a product, taking time from your family, do you really want you give it away for nothing. By never bringing your value to light, your boss gives your raise or promotion to another. By never submitting your book idea you pass on a life long dream. All because you did not find value in yourself and what you produce.

I know it is hard to change this mindset. For me personally, it is a battle. I am making small strides towards recognizing I have something unique to contribute. My work does have value. It is ok to recognize that and ask for compensation. So going forward remember to tell yourself. What I produce has value. What I do has value. I have value.

The Value of a Teacher

As the school year comes to a close, I reflect on the amount my children have grown. I would love to take all the credit for this, but that would be far from the truth. When I’m away from them, working my full-time job, I’m forced to leave them in the hands of someone else. I’m trusting this someone to care for them, guide them and nurture them the way I would if I didn’t have to work. That someone is called a teacher.

Luckily, I (and my children) have been blessed to have encountered some wonderful teacher. They create a safe environment, build their confidence and encourage them. I have seem my son and daughter grasp concepts of math and reading and grow because of these people. Also, I have noticed most teachers today don’t talk down to, or belittle kids. They talk with them, not at them. This in my opinion goes a long way in a child’s success and feelings of self esteem.

Some people say “those who can’t do, teach,” as if this is an insult. But teaching is doing. For those that truly love their craft, they are leaving a huge mark on many lives. It is evident in the joy the students have in learning. I see this joy first hand in my son and daughter because of some wonderful teachers.

Even into adulthood there are teachers. People with life experiences and skills different from our own. I am bless to have one such teacher in my friend Connie. I don’t know if she ever intended to be a teacher, but she has gifted me her enthusiasm and love for cake design.I am forever grateful to her for all she is teaching me.

Let the end of another school year be a reminder to all of use to seek out the “teachers” in our life and let them know how much we value them. Even thought she might never see this…Thank you Connie.