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Posts tagged ‘friends’

5 Ways to Build a Girls Self Worth

5 Ways to Build a Girls Self WorthGrowing up we all had that one friend who would say they were your bestie but the moment someone “cooler” came along they would drop you like a bad habit. These people would return to you when there was nothing else to do or when no one else was around only to flat leave you all over again. This behavior would play on repeat until you would finally decide you had enough and end the “friendship.” These are known as fair weather friends.

growing up I was not the try of kid who would ever hurt anyone’s feelings. Basically I was a doormat. Letting these fair-weather friends walk all over me. Then one day I decided to put a stop to it. Fast forward to today as I watch this same situation play out with my own children. I watch as the fair-weather friend mistreats my daughter. Invites her over then drops her when another friend can come over instead.

I stand by silently as my daughter cries as this little girl brags to her and puts her down. I sit silently and I wait. I wait for the moment when my daughter will fight back. When she will see here own greatness. I wait until the flurry of words explodes from her so that this girl never messes with her again. I wait but it doesn’t happen. My heart breaks as I see the pain on her face.

Honestly, I wish it could jump in and defend her, protect her from this little evil being hurting my little girl. But I know this is not my fight. She needs to find her own greatness, her own self worth. Something I never learned until far to late.

It will happen one day soon when she has had enough but part of me wonders if I can’t help her more. No, I don’t mean Marching in costumed body parts, wearing pink caps and shouting baseless claims of “resistance.” I mean really teaching a girl her worth. Helping her find her self respect. To stand up to other girls as she will eventually have to stand up to other women and men. Here are 5 ways to build a girls self worth.

Don’t raise her as a “pleaser.

According to Dr. Catherine Steiner-Adair, EdD, a clinical psychologist, we should encourage her to stand up for what she needs and wants. “Create opportunities for her to use her voice,”  “Ask ‘What do you want?’ Let her make a choice and then honor that choice.” – from ChildMind.org.

Set an Example

Don’t trash talk other women or yourself. ” …if a mom is gossiping about one of her friends on the phone and the daughter overhears this, that memory is in her brain forever and she will be more inclined to gossip with her friends as she grows up.”- says Lauren Galley, President of Girls Above Society. (Huffington Post)

Get her into Team Sports

According to an article from Kidsealth.org, playing sports builds self-confidence. “Girls involved in athletics feel better about themselves, both physically and socially. It helps to build confidence when you see your skills improving and your goals becoming reality. Other esteem-boosting benefits of sports participation include getting in shape, maintaining a healthy weight, and making new friends,” it says.

Be wise to media images

Some media images such as plus sized models and female athletes can help young girls feel accepted and empowered. But more often then not TV, movies and magazines are flooded with images that stress “ideal beauty” and appearance. As well as the over equalization of women and young girls.

Girls’ confidence frequently drops in the pre-teen years as they begin to base their feelings of self-worth more and more heavily on appearance and weight,” says Media Smarts.ca. It is important to limit exposure to media images and have an open dialogue with your daughter about how the media depicts women.

Tell them their value and you love them no matter what

Our girls need to be told tell have value. We often tell them what they have done wrong but we also need to be praise them.  Let them know that their unique gifts, talents, and abilities have value. They are unique and individual. We love them for the person they are not there appearance or accomplishments.

She needs to know that you’ll love her no matter how her appearance might change or how she dresses or how she might perform at something,” says Dr. Mary Rooney, PhD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in adolescents. Rooney adds “Because even though kids are so reliant on their peers for feedback when they’re in their teens, what her parents think of her matters just as much as it ever did.”- Childmind.org.

 

 

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I don’t like my child’s friend. What do I do?

don't like my kids friendsAt every birthday party there is always that kid. The kid that commands the attention, drawing it away from the birthday child. The kid that pitches a full on fit if they don’t get what they want, (and we are not talking about a 2 year old.)

The one that is now old enough to know better but gets away with mistreating friends and acting out. The snotty little individual that left you with your mouth hanging open as they talked to you, an adult, with such disrespect and entitlement. Yes, you know the kid. (If you don’t then it might be your own.)But most of us have encountered this one friend of our child that acts like an teenager at 7 and has never been told no.

So what do you do if your child befriends one of these types of kids? How do you handle this child when it comes time for a play date? Worse yet, what do you say when your child begins to behave like that kid? You know they are children but sometimes there is one friend that is just not our cup of tea. How to you handle it?

Let them figure it out

According to an article from WebMD ,  a better way might be to help your child determine of this person is really a good friend. Try your best not to bad mouth the friend to your child. Instead use examples of observed behaviors to get your child to think more critically about the relationship.

“Don’t lecture; listen. And help your child think clearly about whether or not this person is really a good friend. “You need to say, ‘I’m worried about what’s happening to you,'” says Alison Birnbaum, a licensed social worker in Connecticut who works with families. “You’re not being your best self, and it’s my job as your mom to help you achieve your highest goals.

Maybe it’s you

image found on pinterest

Also consider if there are other things at work in your head. Maybe this child reminds you of someone you disliked growing up. Are they possibly stirring up memories in your own childhood you would rather forget?

In an 2014 article on the CNN website Clinical psychologist Kirsten Cullen Sharma, co-director of the early childhood clinical service at the NYU Langone Medical Center’s Child Study Center, says the first thing parents need to ask themselves is why they don’t like one of their children’s friends.
Is it because they don’t like that person’s mom? Is it because that kid gets really good grades and it’s easy for them and that person is a little narcissistic? Or is it something that is really serious that you’re worried your child would model an unhealthy behavior?” says Sharma.
Banning your child from seeing this friend will probably make you into the enemy. But if you really feel this other child exhibits harmful behavior that is bad for your kid then it is perfectly fine to avoid them all together. Have other plans when asked for a play date for example. Limit your child’s opportunity to interact with them and eventually they will both move on.

Is the kid a bad influence

The influence the relationship between our child and the friend could be what is really bugging you. Maybe you witness your child allowing the friend to mistreat or bully them. It is jarring for a parent to watch their child change into someone they are not just so they will be liked. It is important to remind your child of all of the wonderful things that make them who they are. Reinforce the things that make someone a good friend and remind your child they deserve to be treated well.
In an article from Real Simple Magazine  there are several types of bad influence that your child can encounter each with a unique set of challenges. In most of the cases, sticking firm to preset limits and sharing open communication with your child is the best way to combat many of these behaviors, the article says.
I am not a family therapist but in my view it is important for your child to start to recognize children who display these behaviors. Also that they learn how to deal with them. Let’s face it we have all encountered the adult version of these types of children. They may get taller but in some cases, they never really go away. These experiences can be looked at as an opportunity to strengthen your child’s social skills. To teach them the self confidence and self worth they will in adulthood.

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Why Holiday Traditions Matter

holiday traditionsThe first Christmas after I moved away from my childhood home to attend college I return to find the house with no Christmas decorations, no tree, nothing to show the holiday’s were approaching. By all standards I was considered an adult now and should have been too cool for childish Christmas drawings I made when I was 9.  Being a college student, I was not far to busy for the silliness of tree decorating. Baking cookies, well I was way to important for that. Wasn’t I?

No way.

I wanted the decorations, the tree and all the festivities. It was Christmas after all. Even thought I felt very self important and independent at that time of my life. Returning to my home at Christmas was like remembering who I really was. To see my parents no longer felt the need to decorate made the whole season feel like just another day.

This was around the time my father was starting to have serious health problems and I know they just we’re not in a Christmas-y state of mind then. So I took it upon myself to decorate for them. I went into the garage and brought in all the boxes. Each item I pulled out had memory attached. The handmade ornaments, the arts and crafts decorations and the ancient puzzle-like artificial Christmas tree, we went through each recalling past Christmases.

Nothing fancy just family

One if the things I loved the most about our house at Christmas was that we never had fancy store bought decorations. My parents worked hard but we were far from wealthy. Our decorations were mostly arts and crafts, or repurposed items. My dad had started the tradition of stringing Christmas cards across the ceiling of our house.20151203_085240-1

Each year we would read through these cards and remember people from years past, like the big tipper on my paper route when I was 12, old neighbors that moved, family who had passed away. Their memory was preserved in their own hand-writing through these cards. The Christmas wishes and good sentiment were revisited every year as we placed another card upon the string. This very act of stringing the cards created the feeling of Christmas for me.

Fast forward to Christmas this year

I have children of my own, a new easier to assemble Christmas tree, bright store bought decorations. We have created some new holiday traditions, We stay in our pajamas all day on Christmas Day and play. Also we started collecting year ornaments from each year my and my husband have been together.

But many of my families holiday traditions live on, like handmade decorations and stringing holiday cards. This tradition has become even more special. It is the digital age and each year the amount of handwritten cards dwindles. Instead we receive e-cards or non folded printed picture cards while they are nice, a true hand-written Christmas card is a lot harder to come by.

Thankfully, I have saved cards since before my husband and I were married. Just like me and my parents did, my husband and I recall people we worked with, grandparents that are no longer with us and friends who moved away, as we string these cards.

My dad has since passed away as well but when we string our cards I always explain that this was a traditions my father started. When my mother comes over and see’s the cards I know she is not thinking of spending another Christmas without him. She knows he is here with us through these traditions.

What are your holiday traditions? What feelings do they create in you? Have you started any new traditions for your family?

 

Video

Kid, I’m Not Suppose To Be Your Friend

kids I'm not suppose to be your friendSaw this video the other day I thought I just had to share it on the blog.

It is sassy, funny and so on point. Just when I feel I am messing up my kids something like this comes along to let me know I am doing the right thing.

We can not always be our child’s friend. If we want to mold them into productive members of society and help then ultimately live a happy life,  we need to know sometimes they are going to say “Mom, I hate you.”

It hurts to think of this, but it is our job to guide them. Even when they are hating you for some imagined slight or removal of a privilege. Know in your heart that you are doing the right thing. You are protecting them, guiding them, parenting them. If they don’t like you, it’s ok because in the end you are loving them the way they need you to.

How do you feel about this video? What do you think about her points? Have you ever mixed ice cream and wine? Would love to know your thoughts on this topic. Share them in the comments below.


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Staying True to the person YOU want to be

true self

Are you holding true to the person you intended to be?

You know what they say things happen for a reason. The reason might be unknown to you at first but then after thought and time it is reveled to you. Recently, I have questioned if I am truly meant to be in this space. If my words are worth anything. I have questioned my self-worth, my own character and wondered if some of the things others might have said about me hold any truth.

When I decided to start a blog a year and a half ago, I was prepared for criticism. I expected trolls. Ready for the keyboard warriors to descend upon me and verbally shoot me through the heart. I prepared for it and guarded myself against it. But it never happened.

I was shockingly greeted with support, encouragement and general good feelings and community. Time passed and I became immersed in social media, blogging and online communities. This was a great experience, I found many new friends and wonderful people that have taught me so much.

I learned a ton about the online space. This was also where I let my guard down.  Trusting people and taking what they posted on social media as the true picture of who they were. Falling into the pattern of thinking the social media personally was who that person really was. Even I began to present a social media “presence,” a brand if you will. But forgetting that I never wanted to be a brand; I only wanted to be a person sharing this journey of motherhood and moderation with people who could empathize.

I ventured into online marketing, sales, promotion. Became caught up in the words of all the “influencers” and advice. I lost sight of why I started this. In the end, blogging became second to promoting and following the plan advised by social media experts. Caught up in the fear of missing out. This lead me to ventured into waters I never intended and that didn’t really fit with what I was doing.

280012-Know+thyself+quote++++

In folly, I believed people on social media were who they appeared to be instead of the many facets that each person truly is.  I relied more on there opinion and judgment, then on myself. We all put on a social media face. We present our best side, our prettiest smile, out clean homes, our perfect lives. But this mommy blogging journey was never about being perfect. It was only about understanding each other and finding balance together.

Unfortunately, I allowed myself believe that this face was the truth, knowing deep down it was not. I even put this face on myself, hiding parts of me away as to not offend anyone. Some true genuine friends where discovered in this endeavor. But I also made enemies it seems, and the critic that was lying in wait finally emerged. It was myself.

So for several weeks now I have been fighting the urge to close this blog down. To run away. Hide. Remove myself from the falseness I had brought upon myself. And I did for a bit… run away, lick my wounds.

But when I took my head out of the sand. I looked at who remained, who really liked what I wrote. Who were true, real and genuine. Things do happen for a reason. Beyond hurt, fear and criticism, these lessons are there to bring us closer to the person we are meant to be.

Our world today is crazy, especially lately. Full of snap judgments, false experts and too much information but little knowledge.  These events, I believe, are meant to teach us our true convictions. Who you choose to be. Who we want to surround ourselves with. A very wise friend said to me “You can only get happiness by keeping the things that help you grow and let the rest fade away.”

As to what will happen with this blog. I don’t know, but it was never about monetizing, promoting or social media anyway. I think it’s time I got back to what I originally intended…just writing how I feel, helping those seeking empathy and hoping we can support in each other along the way. Hold tight to who you are, what truly matter to you and let the rest fade away.


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Direct Sellers Summer Series: Come Meet Trish Russell

direct seller series

Introducing Trish Russell

I feel fortunate to have gotten to know Trish Russell and to have her as a bi-monthly contributor to In between Moderation.  It has been an amazing journey to see her growth and development from military mom to the smart, fiery, funny business woman who has found her calling on Social Media. She brings her “combat boots of self-discipline,” with a side of compassion and understanding to help woman walk in their purpose, one intentional step at a time.

Trish Russell

1) What is your direct sales business and what type of products do they sell?

I partner with Mary & Martha, a home décor and gift company with inspirational messages and keepsakes. [ctt title=”Women doing life together and inspiring others to ENJOY the gift of fellowship.” tweet=”Women doing life together and inspiring others to ENJOY the gift of fellowship. ” coverup=”7AmZd”]

2) How did you get involved in your business and why?

Over the course of a year I fell in love with the company, product, and women. My first interaction with Mary & Martha was as a third party invitee, very random! Over the next year I watched how my consultant treated her customers, and walked out her faith. I knew if there was a team I wanted to be on it, was hers!

3) What is your favorite product and why?

God Made Just One” book, full of beautiful pictures and truths for children and adults to hear.

4) What would you say to people who think direct sale’s are a scam?

If you haven’t been part of one then you probably don’t realize the amount of work a rep puts into their company. It’s similar to those who don’t think teachers are worth a six figure income or that SAHM’s sit around eating bon-bon’s and watch TV. I listen, respond, and move on if they still believe it after getting to know me.

5) Do you think it is important for a woman to have a side income?

I believe it’s vital for each woman to walk THEIR journey, whether that is a side income, full-time income, power volunteer, raising humans, WHATEVER. Each to their own, but be sure to do YOUR own.

6) What is the biggest struggle you have with your business? How do you overcome it?

People AVOID direct sellers and I overcome it by being myself and knowing my worth. I believe in the company and our products and really enjoy what I do. If someone wants to partner with me at any level, I am stoked to do that! If they don’t want to partner, I get stoked that an opportunity came up to meet someone new!

7) What have you learned about yourself through your business?

I’m a dreamer! I had no idea! I love owning my own business and empowering other women to live their dream!

8) What opportunity would you have not had if not for your business?

So many….I wouldn’t own my biz, meet incredible women, know my strengths, discover new talents, and dream. Dream. DREAM!

9) How does your business align with your values and the person you are?

Our company is also a ministry. We believe each person who joins us has a calling to be here. We open up each meeting, as well as most events, with prayer. By focusing on the opportunity to gather women and hang out, celebrate our unique personalities and gift sets. All of these pieces line up to how I approach life and enjoy spending my time.

10) How can people find you, more information about your products or become part of your company?

You can find me on Facebook or at my website! I have a private (free) Facebook group for women in business, at any level (new, veteran, interested).

http://www.mymaryandmartha.com/TRISHRUSSELL/

FB Group: ourmodernvillage.com

Website: trishrussell.mykajabi.com

FB Biz Page: https://www.facebook.com/Trish-Russell–480825385422384/

Facebook friends

I am so excited. Just created a community page on Facebook. I’m still new at it but I’m slowly discovering this social media thing. Come like my page and leave a comment about where you find balance.

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