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5 Ways to Build a Girls Self Worth

5 Ways to Build a Girls Self WorthGrowing up we all had that one friend who would say they were your bestie but the moment someone “cooler” came along they would drop you like a bad habit. These people would return to you when there was nothing else to do or when no one else was around only to flat leave you all over again. This behavior would play on repeat until you would finally decide you had enough and end the “friendship.” These are known as fair weather friends.

growing up I was not the try of kid who would ever hurt anyone’s feelings. Basically I was a doormat. Letting these fair-weather friends walk all over me. Then one day I decided to put a stop to it. Fast forward to today as I watch this same situation play out with my own children. I watch as the fair-weather friend mistreats my daughter. Invites her over then drops her when another friend can come over instead.

I stand by silently as my daughter cries as this little girl brags to her and puts her down. I sit silently and I wait. I wait for the moment when my daughter will fight back. When she will see here own greatness. I wait until the flurry of words explodes from her so that this girl never messes with her again. I wait but it doesn’t happen. My heart breaks as I see the pain on her face.

Honestly, I wish it could jump in and defend her, protect her from this little evil being hurting my little girl. But I know this is not my fight. She needs to find her own greatness, her own self worth. Something I never learned until far to late.

It will happen one day soon when she has had enough but part of me wonders if I can’t help her more. No, I don’t mean Marching in costumed body parts, wearing pink caps and shouting baseless claims of “resistance.” I mean really teaching a girl her worth. Helping her find her self respect. To stand up to other girls as she will eventually have to stand up to other women and men. Here are 5 ways to build a girls self worth.

Don’t raise her as a “pleaser.

According to Dr. Catherine Steiner-Adair, EdD, a clinical psychologist, we should encourage her to stand up for what she needs and wants. “Create opportunities for her to use her voice,”  “Ask ‘What do you want?’ Let her make a choice and then honor that choice.” – from

Set an Example

Don’t trash talk other women or yourself. ” …if a mom is gossiping about one of her friends on the phone and the daughter overhears this, that memory is in her brain forever and she will be more inclined to gossip with her friends as she grows up.”- says Lauren Galley, President of Girls Above Society. (Huffington Post)

Get her into Team Sports

According to an article from, playing sports builds self-confidence. “Girls involved in athletics feel better about themselves, both physically and socially. It helps to build confidence when you see your skills improving and your goals becoming reality. Other esteem-boosting benefits of sports participation include getting in shape, maintaining a healthy weight, and making new friends,” it says.

Be wise to media images

Some media images such as plus sized models and female athletes can help young girls feel accepted and empowered. But more often then not TV, movies and magazines are flooded with images that stress “ideal beauty” and appearance. As well as the over equalization of women and young girls.

Girls’ confidence frequently drops in the pre-teen years as they begin to base their feelings of self-worth more and more heavily on appearance and weight,” says Media It is important to limit exposure to media images and have an open dialogue with your daughter about how the media depicts women.

Tell them their value and you love them no matter what

Our girls need to be told tell have value. We often tell them what they have done wrong but we also need to be praise them.  Let them know that their unique gifts, talents, and abilities have value. They are unique and individual. We love them for the person they are not there appearance or accomplishments.

She needs to know that you’ll love her no matter how her appearance might change or how she dresses or how she might perform at something,” says Dr. Mary Rooney, PhD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in adolescents. Rooney adds “Because even though kids are so reliant on their peers for feedback when they’re in their teens, what her parents think of her matters just as much as it ever did.”-




A Year of Taking Care of Me: Month 1-Habits

a year of taking care of me month 1Earlier this month I talked about my “Year of Taking Care of Me.” It might seem like an odd New Year Challenge. I mean who doesn’t know how to take care of yourself? The idea came about as the end of 2016 came and I felt worn out. Like I lost myself. As if some part of me had gone missing. Yes, I have a wonderful life, full for fantastic people but the hectic schedule of work, kids and all over busyness had been creeping in on me a bit more each year. More of the things I did for me, the things I needed to do for me, had eroded with time. By the end of 2016 I felt it. The lack of care I had taken in myself finally had a physical and mental effect on me.

Although I still had the desire to strive for some monthly accomplishment I did not have the will to put into another year of goal setting. Instead I decided to turn inward and see what my head, heart and body was asking of me. What I needed to get back to feeling like me again. To recover from the pace of life I had been setting for myself. So here we go on to month one….

January: Habits

Why do I do that?: Look at the habits you have created, are they good? bad? How did they develop? Which ones I would like to change? Which ones have I changed unknowingly? We all know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. What do we do over and over again?

Habits. In the past when I think of habits it was usually in terms of what I eat. Trying to get more veggies, less sugar. This time I took a different approach.  I tried to be aware of the feelings I experienced when I engaged in certain habits. Some of the times I surprised myself, some of the them I was really disappointed in myself. But all in all I learned a lot more about what some of my habits have been doing to me.

Habit # 1 The News

I will be the first to admit that everyone is probably feeling a heightened sense of emotion with the election of our new president. Good or bad we all seem to be having more extreme emotions about President Trump and his actions. In our house my husband watches the news…a lot. For me having been in the journalism field I have always had an interest in seeing how certain events are covered. However, I found that recently it was not so much the topics that I was watching for, it was how the topics are covered. It seems as if all around on every channel there is only peoples opinion. No one is reporting facts anymore. The constant arguing by pundits and analysis became the background noise of my house.

Unbeknownst to me this was having a profound effect on how I was interacting with people. I was leaving the house in the morning more agitated, engaging in arguments about things I wasn’t even really passionate about and worst of all I was judging everyone around me. After one particularly bad episode where I felt really ashamed of my behavior, I decided to stop watching the news all together. Tired of the division, the fact less fighting, the hostility and fear. I shut it off. This caused me to reflect on what I was really angry about.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t the topics or the people making the news that generated my anger. Rather it was the constant barrage of opinions instead of fact based emotionless reporting. This and the changes I had seen in a field I loved  made me angry and saddened. This had nothing to do with politics or the election at all. It was a sense of loss I felt in the journalism community. This realization prompted me to write “We have no Watchdog.” So for now until I can reconcile this loss I will keep the news off.

Habit #2: Social Media

In the past social media was like a life line. It was a connection to people from childhood. It was an open door to make new friends and have new experiences. However since the end of last year something has changed. No so much in social media but really in me. It was as if someone took the rose colored glasses off and I saw all the hucksters selling “downloadable products” filled with nothingness.

I came to recognized the only people making money on social media were the people selling how to make money on social media. It started to seem like a racketed and could no longer watch new found friends be sucked into it as I was. I’m not talking about MLM’s mind you those have actual products of value and I am still in support of all those on social media making a living at them. It’s the “information products” I no longer see the value in.

Need to get away from the negativity

Also, the negativity was really effecting me. So many people with so many opinions about everyone and everything. Everyone has become a Facebook expert. Why does someone who knows nothing about police work get to play Facebook judge in a police involved shooting. Why do mothers from all over get to judge each others actions? We all make mistakes everyday in raising our kids. Does it really make us feel better about ourselves to put down others? Lastly, why do we hang on the actions and opinions of  celebrities as if they have some secret stash of knowledge that is more adept then our own?

Facebook was suppose to be about connection but it has become about judgement of others. I fell pray to it as well, engaging in Facebook fights if someone had an opposing view then mine. But who am I to judge a name and face on a screen. I know nothing about these people and they no nothing of me. I wonder how much time I wasted arguing with someone who wasn’t even a real person, just a made up account?

Get back to people not profiles

As much as I loved connecting with the people I found on Periscope, I now feel social media has changed for the worse and it was changing me. I gave no thought to believing what I read as if it was a well-researched, fact based news story instead of made-up click bait. In addition, without hearing the person’s tone, and seeing a facial impression it was to easy to misinterpreted the meaning behind a typed phrase.

The lack of face to face interaction has taken its toll on social media I think, making it less enjoyable and more hostile. An emoji, however cute can not take the place of a real hug. So I took the step of deleting the app from my phone. I will admit I still go on to check the blogs page and respond to messages but I try not to scroll anymore. No everyone needs or wants to know my unsolicited opinion on everything and I really don’t need or want to know everyone else’s.

Habit #3: Mindlessness vs. Productivity

The final habit I decided to change this month was deeply ingrained in me. Maybe it is because I was born in New York. It could be because I don’t know how to relax. Possibly it is because I have always been in a perpetual state of rush. Whatever the reason I have rarely allowed myself to do anything mindless. Everything has to have a purpose. It has to have reason that is moving me forward somehow.  If I was watching TV it had to be something I would learn from or it is a family bonding activity. It couldn’t be mindless downtime. Time is to precious to waste. Right?

Now I understand doing something mindless is not a waste. A lifetime of this “habit” is part of what has caused my burnout. I remember my husband playing a video game after coming home from work saying he just needed to decompress.

It’s ok to just wander

There is a purpose in the mindless. It helps to let your mind rest, let your thoughts wander. Maybe I never wanted to let my mind wander because then I would have to sort out thoughts and feelings I pushed away. If you are always in productive mode you never give yourself the time to think  and process hurt feelings, sadness and sorrow. Went I was quiet and inactive, I realize I never actually grieved when my father died. I let it out a little but then life went on and there were things to be done so I pushed it aside.

In more recent days, doing mindless things like sitting in silence on my drive to work, playing a mindless video game and coloring has been a new experience for me. By letting my mind wander freely into uncharted territory, hurts I thought I pushed away have resurfaced, new questions have arisen and I realized I miss my Dad sometimes. The thing is this time I am letting myself walk thru it, instead of running away in busyness.

I know I have only scratched the surface in terms of habits but this is not a forced challenge with a strict path to goals. It is free flowing and organic. What I have shared is what has arisen in my since I have been taking the time to pay attention. To listen and to actually be still. Are there any habit you have been doing that have prevented you from fully experiencing joy. Have you discovered habits that were masking what really bothers you?  If you are doing this along with me would love to hear your discoveries.



We have No Watchdog

we have no watchdogThis post, as with most things on this blog, are solely my opinion. Some of you are not going to like this but I can’t hold it in anymore. I feel much like I did after the presidential election this year. Disgusted. Disgusted because of the media, by of the tampering down of opposing views. Disgusted that we as a people no longer get the full factual story on anything political.  I don’t care who you voted for or who you support. Here is my issue. We have no watchdog.

The intent of the media throughout history was to be the “watchdog” of the people. When our government was formed it was intended to make sure we did not put leaders into power that would re-establish imperialism and monarchy in newly formed America.

Just the Facts

Throughout history the purpose of the media has been to investigate the workings of government, keep them accountable and present us the people with THE FACTS. Their job was never…never to tell us what we believe. It was never to present their feelings. Yes, sometimes people analyze the meaning of these facts, debate and discuss opinions but this happened in coffee houses, shops and town squares. Not in the newspaper’s.

The need of the media to stay out of the discussion was imperative to insure the facts remain true and real. I know there were plenty of times in history when this did not happen and it has had disastrous results. i.e. Yellow Journalism.  But most of the time reporting the facts was the intent of the media. The reporters and journalist would discuss their personal views with friends, family and their own inner circle but did not let those view seep over into the page or screen. That was not their role.

What caused the change

Lately, I have been curious when this change in the purpose of the press occurred and I have come up with two points in history which seem to be catalysts of this change. The first being Watergate. Yes, the quintessential example of the need for objective, well researched, good journalism is also what created a need among media people to have a say in creating a desired outcome.

In my opinion, (yes it is only my opinion after researching and reading about the event.) Watergate and the actions of Nixon was such a deep betrayal of our system of government and the process that many in the media felt an increased responsibility to ensure it is never allowed to happen again. For that reason, the media became much less respectful, more aggressive and argumentative with following presidents.

The problem came in that these journalist began to do more then just report on events they began to interpret and analyze them. This is not necessarily a bad thing but it was not what their purpose was. Analysis and opinion news began popping in a much less obvious way. I believe there was so much fear and trepidation of another Nixon White House it became associated with many presidential candidates..

Likewise, the intense emotions that arose from the Vietnam War caused many journalist to become unable to remain objective. Add to that the media circus that occurred in the wake of the Iran hostage crisis. Brought the rise of an new sensationalism. Media took more of the role of interpreter and less of the roll of reporter.

Opinions are like…

The second factor, very clearly was the rise of social media. Everyone everywhere can have an opinion. Which in my mind is also not a bad thing. The problem has come in the blurring of the lines between opinion. People actually believe what they see on fictional entertainment shows as real. With the development of cable new channels, 24 hour news cycles and Facebook  “experts,” act checking became almost irrelevant as opinions dominated.

When I think about it I am right now doing the very thing I am saying the media does. I’m putting my opinions out there with very little fact behind it. Only my interpretation of events. So yes…I am totally guilty of contributing to the fact-less noise out there. GUILTY. With one difference. I do not claim to be a news outlet. This is not reporting on events. These are only my views and I am identifying as such.

Last night while watching the inauguration I heard a reporter, someone reporting the event, say they are happy about Trumps election. I could only think they were just as bad as when Chris Mathews said the much talked about “chill up his leg,” during Obama’s presidency

To me this is the problem. This is not a partisan issue, it is a countrywide problem. If the media continues to create the story they agree with, leave out facts, and interpret things for us, how will we ever know what is really going on. It happens on both sides and does a disservice to us all.

Bias in the news media manifests itself most powerfully not in the form of outright, intentional lies, but is most often a function of what reporters choose not to tell their audience; i.e., the facts they purposely omit so as to avoid contradicting the political narrative they wish to advance. Media researchers Tim Groseclose and Jeffrey Milyo said“[F]or every sin of commission…we believe that there are hundreds, and maybe thousands, of sins of omission – cases where a journalist chose facts or stories that only one side of the political spectrum is likely to mention.” – quote from


Successful U

Trish Russell from Mini-Moments Monday is bringing her newest course to you. Here is a summery of her program Successful U
“Successful U is a two week course where we spend time together in a closed Facebook group applying systems and processes to develop strong roots for your business. I’ve structured the material so you can invest 30 minutes a day and see results. I provide videos, PDFs, and am available to make your journey personal.”
“The topics we cover are
1) Organization systems
2) Media Strategy
3) Customer Service
4) Leadership Prep
5) Personal Development & A wrap up of how to move forward.
The course launches Monday, April 4th and has a full two- week, 5 days per week curriculum. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
To sign up go to:

Political Balance

white house

Please don’t tell me your political party. I really don’t want to know. Political parties put you in a box in my head. Your Republican well you must be….Your a Democrat well you must think like…At that point, no matter what you say or who you are, or what you may have achieved or contributed, I judge you. Honestly, I don’t want to be the “judgey” person, but I am creating my own version of you in my head.I have been pre-programmed by media bombardment to judge you and dismiss you. I am ashamed of this about myself, but if I’m really honest I know I do it and I know I am not alone.

It is human nature to place people in categories or groups, but it is wrong to prejudge someone. I’m wrong to do it. Just because you identify with some aspects of a political party doesn’t mean you believe in the worst of any ideology. That doesn’t mean that is all you are. It doesn’t mean I can not learn something from you.

Many news outlets and political leaders tell us what to think about a political stance, that each side is totally wrong. They never draw attention to the nuances of good that run in each.

What we…I have failed to see past is that an ideology is only part of that person and can not fully represent all of that persons experiences, thoughts or feelings. Our beliefs are not paint by numbers, they are numerous detailed brushstrokes creating a picture over time.

This whole idea occured to me when I found myself listening to a Podcast and was really connecting with what the person was saying. I was learning some interesting information and enjoyed it. Then the speaker dropped the bomb and stated their political leanings. I balked and shut off the podcast. I returned to a it a little later after the realization that I made assumptions about this person, what they believed, and who they we’re based on that one statement.

Did there statement nullify all that I had been benefiting from and learning  up to that point? Did it really change the connection I felt until them? Not really, only my judgement and perception of them changed.

In politics you only hear of the bitter feuds and mudslinging, What about the average person who might believe different from their neighbor, but still respects and appreciates them. Seeing them as the individuals that they are.

Differences are not bad. It is how we learn, grow, challenge ourselves and each other. Differences can open our mind to a previously unknown perspective.

I’m not left or right, I’m not even center, I’m just me and I believe there is good and bad in both views. For every Anthony Weiner, there is a Josh Dugger.

What matters is what has always mattered, the character of the person, not the group they belong to. What matters is how they live their life. Is it with compassion and understanding or close-mindedness and anger.

I will try to remember this going forward.

(Sorry for such an area specific post. I don’t know if this post will apply as much to someone living outside the USA but maybe they can find something useful in it.)

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