Are you holding true to the person you intended to be?
You know what they say things happen for a reason. The reason might be unknown to you at first but then after thought and time it is reveled to you. Recently, I have questioned if I am truly meant to be in this space. If my words are worth anything. I have questioned my self-worth, my own character and wondered if some of the things others might have said about me hold any truth.
When I decided to start a blog a year and a half ago, I was prepared for criticism. I expected trolls. Ready for the keyboard warriors to descend upon me and verbally shoot me through the heart. I prepared for it and guarded myself against it. But it never happened.
I was shockingly greeted with support, encouragement and general good feelings and community. Time passed and I became immersed in social media, blogging and online communities. This was a great experience, I found many new friends and wonderful people that have taught me so much.
I learned a ton about the online space. This was also where I let my guard down. Trusting people and taking what they posted on social media as the true picture of who they were. Falling into the pattern of thinking the social media personally was who that person really was. Even I began to present a social media “presence,” a brand if you will. But forgetting that I never wanted to be a brand; I only wanted to be a person sharing this journey of motherhood and moderation with people who could empathize.
I ventured into online marketing, sales, promotion. Became caught up in the words of all the “influencers” and advice. I lost sight of why I started this. In the end, blogging became second to promoting and following the plan advised by social media experts. Caught up in the fear of missing out. This lead me to ventured into waters I never intended and that didn’t really fit with what I was doing.
In folly, I believed people on social media were who they appeared to be instead of the many facets that each person truly is. I relied more on there opinion and judgment, then on myself. We all put on a social media face. We present our best side, our prettiest smile, out clean homes, our perfect lives. But this mommy blogging journey was never about being perfect. It was only about understanding each other and finding balance together.
Unfortunately, I allowed myself believe that this face was the truth, knowing deep down it was not. I even put this face on myself, hiding parts of me away as to not offend anyone. Some true genuine friends where discovered in this endeavor. But I also made enemies it seems, and the critic that was lying in wait finally emerged. It was myself.
So for several weeks now I have been fighting the urge to close this blog down. To run away. Hide. Remove myself from the falseness I had brought upon myself. And I did for a bit… run away, lick my wounds.
But when I took my head out of the sand. I looked at who remained, who really liked what I wrote. Who were true, real and genuine. Things do happen for a reason. Beyond hurt, fear and criticism, these lessons are there to bring us closer to the person we are meant to be.
Our world today is crazy, especially lately. Full of snap judgments, false experts and too much information but little knowledge. These events, I believe, are meant to teach us our true convictions. Who you choose to be. Who we want to surround ourselves with. A very wise friend said to me “You can only get happiness by keeping the things that help you grow and let the rest fade away.”
As to what will happen with this blog. I don’t know, but it was never about monetizing, promoting or social media anyway. I think it’s time I got back to what I originally intended…just writing how I feel, helping those seeking empathy and hoping we can support in each other along the way. Hold tight to who you are, what truly matter to you and let the rest fade away.