In between overdoing it

Earlier this week I wrote a post about whether being working mom was worth the trade offs. It would only be fair to show the other side of that question. So I asked my sister, Michelle Ruddy Calderero, what some mother,  challenges stay at home moms struggle with.

She said that by being a stay at home mom, you are expected to run the household to perfection. Your house must be clean and orderly at all times or you are met with a “What did you do all day?” from the bread winner.

She added for the stay at home mom there are no sick days and no days off. Since most of the people in your house think since you are home everyday you don’t need a “day off.” You never really get a true “day off.”

You are the household cater. Sahm are expected to plan all meals and make sure everyone is feed a wholesome home cooked meal, not short cuts.

Michelle also stated to me that all  doctor& dentist appointments for the family, homework, laundry and taxi service are sole the reasonability of the Stay at home mom. She must handle the schedule and appointment setting of everyone in the household.

She added that there is a silent reasonability of the stay at home mom to handle the ball of stress that their spouse becomes whenever there is a finaical issue on the horizon. With that there is a certain amount of guilt for not bringing an income into the house and a feeling that what they provide by managing the household is not equal.

A final point she stated was that society in general did not value the time of a stay at home mother the way they do someone that works outside the home. SAHM are thought to have an abundance of time when that couldn’t be further from the truth.

There is a definite pressure to maintain an immaculate home, be PTA mom and have a home cooked dinner on the table. Stay at home moms might not be bringing in a monetary income but they are running a household and raising children which is not a job you really get to go home from.

Just want to add a thank you to my sister and all the commenters who shared their perspective on this topic. What I have learned was that whater you choice it has to be the right choice for you and your family. There are goods and bads to each situation, nothing is perfect. Lastly, I learned I need to not take for granted the ability and gift I have been given to be able to handle being a working mom. I have to appreciate and be more thankful for what I have instead of looking at what I don’t.




Comments on: "Struggles of a Stay at Home mom" (4)

  1. Your sister brought up a lot of good points and many of them are rather accurate in the typical home. I would like to say however, that from my experience, my husband has never made me feel as though all of my duties must be done perfectly and in order and on time. He’s not a dictator, telling me “do this, or do that”, or “why is that not done?” Because of that, I don’t see my daily tasks as duties. Instead, he spoils me so much and compliments and thanks me so often, that I feel it an honor to take care of those things. It’s my small way of thanking him for working so hard and for never failing to provide for our needs and even to spoil with things in the process (little things – we’re not millionaires). Even though his income is mid-level, we rarely struggle with finances (we don’t live above our means) and when we do, we just cut back on a couple of things. After 9 years I can’t think of a single time when we’ve had marital problems due to finances. In fact, we have had many less problems with me being at home than we had when we both were working. Instead of trying to figure out who does what (which can cause frustration, arguments and bitterness), we’ve created an evenly-split team, which completely removes that problem.

    With all that said, however, I will admit that I do feel guilty that I don’t bring in a steady income, especially when I take trips to see family. To overcome that, I have a freelance writing job which I use to make income as I need it, for special days and solo trips, that I don’t feel should be my husband’s responsibility (although he would rather pay it all himself). Also, I’ll admit that sometimes I do question my purpose in life. But, I’ve come to realize that whether my job is outside of the home or inside of it, it’s a job nonetheless. Plus at the end of the day, my job is much more important than any job I could have on the outside. But, like you said, there are pros and cons to both and what works for one family may not work for another. (Hope you don’t mind my mini-book.)

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. Stay at home moms have a job just like any other except like you said even more important. It sound like you prepared, plan and properly communicate with your spouse. You are a team. That is how I feel it should be. I still wish I could sty at home for all of the reasons you mentioned. I greatly appreciate you sharing your perspective an views with us.


      • You’re welcome. This was an interest topic to comment on and discuss. I enjoyed being a part of the conversation and do hope that one day you will be able to fulfill that wish, if you choose to.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. survivingbutterfly said:

    You are so right!

    Liked by 1 person

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