Do you just ever feel like there is way to much to do as an adult. Way too many responsibilities pushing you in all directions. Too many things expected of you in the wrong places and not enough in the right ones. Don’t really know about this adulting thing?
Sometimes it amazing me I have a child, much less two children. Who left me in charge of guiding and molding these little beings? Are they serious? I have no idea who or what my purpose is. How am I suppose to guide them. I frequently question all that I do? How am I suppose to know what the right thing for them is. I want so badly to be a good mom, and feel like I should have more answers to these parenting questions. Everyone else seems to know what they are doing. Why do I feel so lost? Maybe they are just good actors. Maybe they feel as lost as I am. Maybe we all just don’t want to make a mistake and mess up our kids.
I found a gray hair the other day. Well, not A gray hair, a lot of gray hairs. One that was particularly bold and liked to show off strutted right out in front and shouted at me. You are 40! Shouldn’t I be farther along by now. Shouldn’t I have more wisdom to go with the gray’s. I don’t feel wise. I feel like I have HOA notices, taxes, and a dog hair covered coach. Not wisdom. I do the adulting like I’m suppose to. Go to work, feel the hollow void of soul-crushing isolation in my little corner of the office. Yes, I act happy but know there is nothing for me to learn, to do. I contribute little.
I’m an adult, aren’t I suppose to have left a mark on the planet by now? Shouldn’t my presences have made some sort of impact, or crater or pockmark? No, not so much. So I will continue to trudge though, like the workers in Joe vs the Volcano. Like a large mid-westerner at Disney World. Rocking back and forth. Trudging along being an adult.
But wait, remember the time I eat those chocolate-covered pretzels and played video games all day. Remember the time I didn’t have to cook for a household. Remember the time I didn’t have to check my bank account for fear of overdraft. Wow! Good times, good times…
I’m an adult now and I have responsibilities however useless they seem. I have children to mold. That’s the key isn’t it. I do it for them. They are the mark on the planet. The reason. I want to build a life for them. I want to make the world better for them. The love I have for them make me try. It is like nothing else ever. Like a swelling balloon in your chest. You want to leave the world better for them. You do things you otherwise hate for them. You love more then you ever thought possible for them. You become an adult for them.